Riddle De Dee: The Voldemort Musical
by Elysian III
Summary: Poor, misunderstood Voldemort. He just wanted to rule the world - is that too much to ask? Instead, he has to deal with incompetant Death Eaters, pitchy high notes...and don't forget about crazy Bellatrix Lestange! You know the story...or do you?
1. Cast and Musical Numbers

**SCENES AND MUSICAL NUMBERS**

**CAST OF CHARACTERS**

(_in order of appearance_)

Lucius Malfoy...Lucius Malfoy

Little Tommy...Young Tom Riddle

Professor Dumbledore...Albus Dumbledore

Orphanage Matron...Orphanage Matron

Professor Slughorn...Horace Slughorn

Tom Riddle...Tom Riddle

(Get the picture?)

**UNDERSTUDIES**

_Understudies for Lord Voldemort_—Gellert Grindelwald, Albus Dumbledore

_Understudy for Tom Riddle_—Harry Potter

_for Little Tommy_—Dobby the House Elf

_for Lucius Malfoy_—Draco Malfoy

_for Bellatrix Lestrange—_Severus Snape

_for Harry Potter—_Neville Longbottom

_for Albus Dumbledore—_Aberforth Dumbledore

**ENSEMBLES**

**Old Hogwarts Peeps:**

Young Rubeus Hagrid, Moaning Myrtle, Olive Hornby, Professor Dippet, Professor Merrythought

**Death Eater Chorus:**

Lucius Malfoy, Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail, Rodolphus Lestrange, Regulus Black, Augustus Rookwood, Antonin Dolohov, Fenrir Greyback, Severus Snape, Bellatrix Black-Lestrange, Avery, Crabbe, Goyle, Walden Macnair, Nott, Yaxley, Travers

**The Golden Trio**

Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley

**New Hogwarts Peeps:**

Professor McGonagall, Professor Sprout, Professor Flitwick, George Weasley, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Ginny Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Fred Weasley, Percy Weasley, Rubeus Hagrid, Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy, Aberforth Dumbledore, Parvati Patil, Peeves, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, Luna Lovegood, Ernie MacMillan

**DANCE CAPTAIN**

Gilderoy Lockhart

**RIDDLE-DE-DEE ORCHESTRA**

_Conductor: _Elphias Doge

_Keyboards: _Professor Kettleburn

_Piano: _Cedric Diggory

_Harp: _Millicent Bulstrode

_Trumpet/Piccolo: _Stan Shunpike

_Drums/Percussion: _Firenze

_Triangle: _Marcus Flint

_Electric Guitar: _Arabella Figg

_Bass Guitar: _Viktor Krum

_Acoustic Guitar: _Colin Creevey

_Air Guitar: _Bloody Baron

_Sitar: _Padma Patil

_Ukulele:_ Dolores Umbridge

_Harpsichord: _Romilda Vane

_Lute:_ Wagga Wagga Werewolf

_Lyre: _Rufus Scrimgeour

_Cello:_ Sanguini the Vampire

_Bagpipes: _The Fat Lady

_Kazoo:_ Winky the House Elf

_Milk Jug: _Grawp

_Music Coordinating:_ Amelia Bones

**WHO'S WHO in the CAST**

LORD VOLDEMORT _(Lord Voldemort)_ has previously starred in the off-Broadway production of _Sweeney Todd _as the title character and _Children of Eden_ (Father). His hobbies are torturing Muggles, Muggle-borns and Muggle lovers—and seeking power. In his spare time, he like to wear fluffy pink bunny slippers and watch the Food Network.

YOUNG TOM RIDDLE _(Little Tommy)_ is proud to be making his Broadway acting debut. He has previously starred in his class play, _Little Red Riding Hood_, as Hunstman #4.

TOM RIDDLE _(Tom Riddle)_ has previously starred in _Rent _(Benny) and _Starlight Express_ (Electra). Tom would like to thank his mother for giving him life and magical abilities. He really could not have done this without her. Thanks, Mum.

LUCIUS MALFOY _(Lucius Malfoy)_ has had the honour of playing Macavity in _Cats _and Prince Herbert in _Spamalot_. He is currently under house arrest and only allowed out for _Riddle-De-Dee_ performances. He would like to thank his parole officer, Kingsley Shacklebolt, for giving him this honour.

BELLATRIX LESTRANGE _(Bellatrix Lestrange) _is crazy. 'Nuff said.

HARRY POTTER _(Harry Potter)_ is still alive. Drats. He has been seen in _Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat _(Benjamin) and _Mamma Mia!_ (Sky). He currently resides in Yorkshire and has one child. Kisses to his honey bunch, Ginny.

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE _(Professor Dumbledore)_ believes that music is a magic beyond anything done at Hogwarts... which is the only reason he agreed to star in this production. Previously starred in _Ragtime_ as Grandfather.

ORPHANAGE MATRON _(Orphanage Matron)_ has previously starred in _Avenue Q_ (Kate Monster), _Legally Blonde_ (Mrs. Woods), _Hairspray _(Velma Von Tussel), _Joseph and the Amazaing Technicolor Dreamcoat _(Narrator), and _Beauty and the Beast _(Mrs. Potts). Apparently, she has the most experience and yet holds one of the most limited roles. She thanks all the children she's brought up over the past fourteen years while aspiring to her stage career.

HORACE SLUGHORN_ (Professor Slughorn)_ has been in _Cats _(Bustopher Jones) and loves soy burgers. His talents include perfectly mimicking the mating call of the water buffalo.

PETER PETTIGREW _(Wormtail)_ claims that his favourite role was Judah in _Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat_, which he won a Tony for, but he is happy to have a role in this production as well.

SEVERUS SNAPE _(Severus Snape)_ has decided that it was time to make a comeback after failing at the Off-Broadway production of _Bring It On_. He would like to thank Lily Evans for pushing him to fight the good fight.

SIBYLL TRELAWNEY _(Sibyll Trelawney)_ is making her debut, seeing as she finally came out of the Tower. She would like to thank Minerva McGonagall for giving her the push that was necessary.

JAMES POTTER _(James Potter)_ was not available for further comment.

LILY POTTER _(Lily Potter)_ says, "ditto."

CORNELIUS FUDGE_ (Cornelius Fudge)_ is glad to be part of the cast after finishing his seasonal run with _The Phantom of the Opera _(Monsieur Firmin). He would like to point out to the general public that he wasn't denying He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's return; he was simply trying to keep the peace.

MR. OLLIVANDER _(Mr. Ollivander)_ is proud to announce his transition from film to theatre after starring as the Chancellor in _V for Vendetta_.

FENRIR GREYBACK_ (Fenrir Greyback)_ is part of this production after playing Renfield in the stage version of _Dracula_. He is looking forward to the instrumentals provided by the Wagga Wagga Werewolf.

MOANING MYRTLE_ (Moaning Myrtle)_ is unhappy, as usual, to be in this show. She would like to add that should things go badly and should Harry Potter die in the final scene, he is welcome to share her toilet.

OLIVE HORNBY _(Olive Hornby) _is glad to have the opportunity to make a small appearance in this production after her stint as Amber Von Tussel in _Hairspray_.

ARMANDO DIPPET _(Professor Dippet) _was in _The Producers_ (Max Bialystock) and _Hairspray_ (Edna Turnblad). He currently spends his days hanging in his portrait above the Headmaster's desk at Hogwarts.

PROFESSOR MERRYTHOUGHT_ (Professor Merrythought) _loved playing Maria in _The Sound of Music _and decided to give this theatre thing another shot. In her spare time she likes drinking tea and playing rugby.

RODOLPHUS LESTRANGE _(Rodolphus Lestrange) _is an expert at ballet and has enjoyed recent stints in _The Nutcracker _(The Prince), _Romeo and Juliet_ (Romeo), and _The Firebird_ (The Prince). He loves his wife dearly, even if she is a wee bit off her rocker.

REGULUS BLACK _(Regulus Black) _has been seen in _Grease_ (Danny) and _Godspell_ (John/Judas). He'd like to say hi to his brother, Sirius, and would like to apologize for trying to steal his pictures of Muggle girls in bikinis after he moved out.

AUGUSTUS ROOKWOOD_ (Augustus Rookwood) _can't act very well, but for some reason was cast. However, he did play the Tinman in his grade school production of _The Wizard of Oz_, so that must count for something.

ANTONIN DOLOHOV _(Antonin Dolohov)_ quite enjoyed his role as Rocky in _The Rocky Horror Show_, thank you very much.

AVERY _(Avery)_ is proud to be named after the niece of two of the authors… wait, he's not named after her, you say? Meh, it's a good name anyway.

CRABBE _(Crabbe)_ says, "word to my momma, foo'."

GOYLE _(Goyle)_ likes milk and cheese.

WALDEN MACNAIR _(Walden Macnair)_ is wondering why the previous two death eaters lived to see the end of the series when plenty of smarter ones were killed. He has previously acted in _Macbeth _(Macbeth) and _Hamlet_ (Hamlet).

NOTT _(Nott)_ wants to know why J.K.R. never gave him a first name.

YAXLEY _(Yaxley) _is disappointed in his shocking lack of lines and singing selections. But, the production is sure that he is secretly pleased to be playing this "highly important" role.

TRAVERS _(Travers) _has been seen as Captain Hook in _Peter Pan_ and Ensemble in _Guys and Dolls_. In his spare time he likes to fish and play hacky sack with Kreacher.

HERMIONE GRANGER _(Hermione Granger) _almost broke her leg starring as Pearl in _Starlight Express_ and has recently returned from the hospital in Germany. After wrapping up this production she plans on touring with the new _Phantom_ cast as Carlotta.

RON WEASLEY _(Ron Weasley) _really hated his acting career until he found this production. He has recently been cast as Victim #2 in _Sweeney Todd_ and the Severed Head in _Pippin_. He is quite relieved to be playing someone who lives to see the curtain call.

MINERVA MCGONAGALL _(Professor McGonagall)_ is glad to finally have a role with a name after acting in _Ragtime _(Ensemble), _The Pajama Game_ (Ensemble), and _Guys and Dolls_ (Ensemble). Needless to say, she is relieved to be on the cast.

POMONA SPROUT _(Professor Sprout)_ is quite delighted to be part of the cast! After starring as Rose in the West End production of _Gypsy_ she is more than ready to get her hands dirty fighting Lord Voldemort.

FILIUS FLITWICK _(Professor Flitwick)_ has had the honour of starring in _Willy Wonka: The Musical_ (Oompa Loompa #5), _The Lord of the Rings: The Musical _(Bilbo), and _Seussical the Musical_ (Wickersham Brother #3).

KINGSLEY SHACKLEBOLT _(Kingsley Shacklebolt) _has loved his previous roles in _The Lion King_ (Mufasa) and _Spamalot _(the Voice of God), but is ready to fill this much-needed role in _Riddle-De-Dee_.

GINNY WEASLEY _(Ginny Weasley) _has previously been cast as Eliza in _My Fair Lady_ and Maureen in _Rent_. She resides in Yorkshire with her husband and one child, and would like Harry to know that she is pregnant again. Surprise!

ARTHUR WEASLEY _(Arthur Weasley) _is an aspiring scriptwriter that is currently in the process of creating his own musical: _Plug it In! _He feels the experience gained on this production will be most helpful to the success of his own musical venture.

REMUS LUPIN _(Remus Lupin) _wants the audience to know that this wasn't his idea.

NYMPHADORA TONKS _(Nymphadora Tonks) _is tickled pink to be involved in such a curious show, and would like to remind her audience of her Tony nominee performance as Fred in _Once Upon a Mattress_.

GEORGE WEASLEY _(Fred Weasley)_ is actually Fred.

FRED WEASLEY _(George Weasley) _is actually George. Honestly, can't you even tell us apart in the program?

PERCY WEASLEY _(Percy Weasley) _was on the original Broadway cast of _Rent_ as Mark, but he took on a more Muggle name to fit in with the theatre group (Anthony Rapp – read this Weasley's autobiography). He's glad that his character in this production is portrayed in a more positive light than in the last few books.

RUBEUS HAGRID _(Rubeus Hagrid) _is excited to finally have a role big enough to fit him. Other roles he has had the pleasure of filling are the Beast in _Beauty and the Beast_ and Baloo in _The Jungle Book_. He'd love to say hello to Beaky, Fang, and all his other little preciouses back home.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM _(Neville Longbottom)_ is currently teaching Herbology at Hogwarts, but decided to take time off to take part in this production. He is glad to be starring alongside his best friends.

DRACO MALFOY _(Draco Malfoy)_ is glad to have something else to supplement his trust fund income. In addition to starring as Will in _Oklahoma!_, he has recently released his first album titled _Sexy Like Me_.

ABERFORTH DUMBLEDORE _(Aberforth Dumbledore)_ wanted to star in _Riddle-De-Dee _the moment he heard it was in production. After many failed attempts at auditioning he was finally selected after the four other Aberforths mysteriously turned into goats.

PARVATI PATIL _(Parvati Patil) _has recently been seen in _Miss Saigon _(Kim) and _Rent_ (Mimi). She is thrilled to be on the payroll.

PEEVES _(Peeves) _has had a glorious time wreaking havoc backstage and hopes that he may one day soon ruin a performance for his colleagues. Mwa-ha-ha!

DEAN THOMAS _(Dean Thomas)_ is glad to make his stage debut. Though never an actor before, he has previously served as artistic director for _The Lion King_, _Aida_, _Into the Woods_, and _The Phantom of the Opera_.

SEAMUS FINNIGAN _(Seamus Finnigan)_ only took this role so as to please his mam. Thanks a lot, mam.

LUNA LOVEGOOD _(Luna Lovegood)_ is surprised to find herself in this show, but pleased to be part of it just the same. She's previously been part of the touring cast of _Wicked _(Glinda) and _Oklahoma! _(Annie). She would like to say hello to her father and reminds everyone to stay safe and watch out for Nargles.

ERNIE MACMILLAN _(Ernie MacMillan)_ is very pleased with himself for getting this role, and would like the audience to know that he has spent eight hours a day rehearsing for it.

**SCENES AND MUSICAL NUMBERS**

**ACT I**

**Scene 1:** The Orphanage

"Prologue"...Lucius Malfoy

"Riddle-De-Dee"...Little Tommy

"Little Tom Riddle"...Little Tommy, Orphanage Matron, Professor Dumbledore

**Scene 2:** Hogwarts

"Here at Hogwarts"...Professor Slughorn, Tom Riddle

"The Last Heir of Slytherin"...Tom Riddle

"Who Let the Beast Out?"...Professor Dumbledore, Tom Riddle, Old Hogwarts Peeps

"First Victim"...Tom Riddle

**Scene 3:** Transformation

"Revenge on My Father"...Tom Riddle

"Lord Voldemort"...Lord Voldemort, Death Eater Chorus

**Scene 4:** First Reign

"Death Eaters"...Death Eater Chorus

"Tearing My Soul"...Lord Voldemort

"Woah! I Look Like a Villain"...Lord Voldemort

**Scene 5:** Sealing His Fate

"The Prophecy"...Professor Dumbledore, Sybill Trelawney, Severus Snape

"Killing Harry"...Dark Lord Voldemort, James Potter, Lily Potter, Baby Harry

**ACT II**

**Scene 1:** Deep in Albania

"The Years Alone"...Dark Lord Voldemort

**Scene 2:** Power Again

"Rebirth"...Wormtail, Avery, Walden Macnair, Crabbe, Goyle, Lucius Malfoy

"Bound Together"...Dark Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter, Death Eater Chorus

"New Reign of Terror"...Cornelius Fudge, Professor Dumbledore, The Golden Trio

**Scene 3:** Turning the Tide

"Snape Killed Dumbledore"...Death Eater Chorus

"Chasing Harry"...Dark Lord Voldemort

**Scene 4:** Obsession

"Wand of Destiny"...Dark Lord Voldemort, Mr. Ollivander

"False Alarms"...Dark Lord Voldemort, Bellatrix Lestrange, Death Eater Chorus

"The Wand is Mine"...Dark Lord Voldemort

**Scene 5:** The Beginning of the End

"Horcrux Murder"...Dark Lord Voldemort

"Battle at Hogwarts"...Dark Lord Voldemort, The Golden Trio, Death Eater Chorus, New Hogwarts Peeps

"Riddle-De-Dee (Reprise)"...Dark Lord Voldemort

**Scene 6:** The Final Battle

"Victory"...Dark Lord Voldemort, Death Eater Chorus

"The Flaw in the Plan"...Dark Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter

"Finale"...The Golden Trio, Death Eater Chorus, New Hogwarts Peeps

THERE WILL BE ONE 15-MINUTE INTERMISSION

All should note that Muggle electronic gadgets such as cell phones, beepers, and cameras will not function within the magical space of the theatre. Also, the use of such devices as Deluminators, Dungbombs, and any products from Weasley Wizard Wheezes are prohibited.


	2. The Orphanage

Act I, Scene 1: The Orphanage

The stage is set. The curtains are deep black velvet. There is no light but one solitary offstage gel, casting a dreary gray illumination onto the stage. All is still, until a pale, blonde, pompous-looking man appears, seemingly from thin air, in the centre of the stage. A faint spot is set on the man, but most of the light is reflected off of his white hair to add brightness to the area.

**Prologue**

(To the Musically Spoken Intro and Conclusion of "Stonehenge" by Spinal Tap)

________

_Sung by Lucius Malfoy_

Lucius: London, 1937.

As you can see, in those days, everything was dark.

The city—dark. The streets at night—dark.

The people—dark. And behind me, the orphanage

where our story begins—dark.

There is a musical interlude, during which Lucius and several hooded Death Eaters perform a Lord of the Dance Irish jig.

It's said that we are

Products of our environment

Is it any wonder

That the subject of our story

Dark Lord Voldemort

Turned out to be so very… dark?

In fact, one could say he was

the darkest of them all…

As soon as he is finished speaking, a young boy with shiny black hair walks onstage. This boy is little Tommy Riddle, the hero of our story. He looks at the audience and chortles evilly before sauntering to a bed and taking a seat. Tommy rubs his hands together in a gleeful way while the background noise of children playing can be heard. As the lights come up on this somewhat disturbing little lad, he starts to sing.

**Riddle-De-Dee**

(To the tune of "Zippidy-Do-Da" by Ray Gilbert & Allie Wrubel)

____________

_Sung by Little Tommy_

Little Tommy:

_____________Riddle-de-dee-da, Riddle-de-day_

____________

_Why must I in this orphanage stay?_

_Ultimate evil; I'm heading that way_

_Riddle-de-dee-da, Riddle-de-day_

_Mr. Bunny hanging from the rafters—_

Tommy's song is cut short by the sudden entrance of two people: Professor Dumbledore, a tall man with long auburn hair and beard, and a skinny woman who is the matron of the orphanage. They take their seats in two chairs at the end of the stage, one of which is behind a simple wooden desk. Tommy stands up off of the bed and tiptoes to eavesdrop at the door that separates his 'room' from the 'office', where he overhears them sing:

**Little Tom Riddle**

(To the tune of "Hakuna Matata" by Tim Rice)

_Sung by Orphanage Matron, Professor Dumbledore, & Little Tommy_

O.M.: _Little Tom Riddle_

_What an odd little lad_

_Dumbledore: Little Tom Riddle_

_Has no mum and dad_

O.M.: _Strange things seem to happen_

_When he gets really mad_

_Dumbledore: That's no problem, see_

_So just tell me about little Tom Riddle_

O.M.: _Well, before he was even born…_

Little Tommy (suddenly appears): _Before I was even BORN!_

O.M.: _Go away Tommy._

Little Tommy: _Sorry._ (sulks off)

O.M.: _His mother appeared from the cold freezing rain_

_Had Little Tommy, then died from the pain_

Dumbledore: _What a sad little tale_

_How it seems such a shame_

O.M.: _But she lived just long enough to give him a name_

_Named "Tom" for his dad_

Dumbledore: _He was named for his dad?_

O.M.: _And "Marvolo" for gramps_

Dumbledore: _"Marvolo"? Sounds like dish detergent_

O.M.: _And he's been here ever since_

Dumbledore: _What's he like?_

O.M.: He's got a bit of a temper and—

Dumbledore: That's okay, we'll take him anyway

O.M.: Oh… Fabulous!

Both: _Little Tom Riddle_

_What an odd little lad_

_Little Tom Riddle_

_Has no mum and dad_

Little Tommy (Appearing): _Strange things seem to happen_

_When I get really mad!_

O.M.: _Get OUT, Tommy!_

Dumbledore: _That's no problem, see_

_Just leave him to me; little Tom Riddle_

While instrumental music continues in the background, the Orphanage Matron leads Dumbledore across the stage. Tommy, having heard them coming, grabs a book and jumps on his bed, pretending to read as they walk in the room.

"Tommy," says the matron. "You've got a visitor. This is Professor Dumbledore."

Dumbledore and Tommy shake hands, while the matron exits the stage. As soon as she leaves, Tommy flops back down on the bed, looking bad-tempered.

"What are you here for?" he says resentfully.

"To tell you about a very special place," says Dumbledore.

"It's an asylum, isn't it? She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Well, I'm not crazy!" Tommy jumps up from his bed again, looking indignant.

"I know you're not crazy, Tommy. And Hogwarts is not an asylum; it's a school of magic."

Tommy looks shocked. "Magic?" he asks disbelievingly.

"Yes. Tommy, you are a wizard. And I am here to ask whether you would like to go to Hogwarts…"

As this last line is spoken, Dumbledore leads Tommy offstage. The scene changes. The bed and desk slide out of sight, and a sign drops down reading "Platform 9 ¾". All around students, parents, and random wizards are dancing while loading trunks onto the Hogwarts Express and saying their goodbyes. Dumbledore leads little Tommy back onstage, Hogwarts trunk in tow. As the older wizard helps the dark little youngster load his things they continue the song.

Dumbledore and Tommy: _We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts._

_We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going, to Hogwarts. We're going—_

Little Tommy: _Strange things seem to happen_

_When I get really mad!_

Dumbledore: _That's no problem, see_

_Come to Hogwarts with me; little Tom Riddle_

_It's no problem, see_

_So come to Hogwarts with me;_

_Little Tom Riddle_

_A-oooooo, Tommy Riddle _

_Oh Little Tommy Riddle..._

Little Tommy and Dumbledore continue vocalizing and strutting around the stage as the lights fade to black.


	3. Hogwarts

Act I, Scene 2: Hogwarts

After a grand scene involving upbeat music, dancing, smashing lighting and live owls flying over the audience, the lights come back up on little Tommy, now having taken the more mature name of Tom, sitting at tables with other wizarding children his age. They are all sitting in a classroom setting, two to a table with an extremely large man lecturing at a blackboard. Little Tommy… excuse me, _Tom_, sits in the front desk, avidly listening to every word that the Professor says.

"…and you'll want to make sure your porcupine quills are cut to the exact same width. Oh, goodness me! Look at the time! Makes sure you finish your essays on boil-cure potions for Monday! Toodle-oo!"

Most of the first years breathe a sigh of relief. It was the last class of the day and they had successfully made it through their first week of school. Many of them collect their things and hurriedly exit the stage, chatting with their friends about the Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor Quidditch match on Saturday.

But not Tom. As a giggling group of girls walks past him, batting their eyelashes, he pointedly ignores them while packing his bag. Once the entire stage is empty he cautiously approaches the teacher.

"Excuse me," he says quietly. The teacher seems not to hear him, so he tries again in a louder voice. "Excuse me, Professor Slughorn."

"Hmph? Yes?" Slughorn asks jovially, turning to face him.

"I was wondering if you could suggest any advanced potions reading material, or if I could be transferred to a higher class."

Slughorn regards Tom with a slightly interested little look. "Your name is Thomas Riddle, correct?"

"Yes sir, but Tom is fine."

"And you are in my house, Slytherin, are you?"

"Yes sir."

"You seem to have a very keen interest in potions, young man."

"Yes sir," Tom replies a third time. He can't quite keep the pride out of his voice when he adds, "I've already finished _Magical Drafts and Potions_ and I am halfway through _Asiatic Anti-Venoms_."

"Really? _Asiatic Anti-Venoms_, you say? You know, Thomas—"

"Tom."

"That's really an advanced text. You seem to be very inquisitive when it comes to potions, and all your other studies, I hear. It's not been one week and I've heard you've already levitated a feather in Charms."

"Yes sir. Five minutes into the lesson."

"Really!" Slughorn approaches Tom and rests a hand on his shoulder while leading him to face the audience. As he speaks, a melody starts in the background. "You know Tom, it's a rare thing to find a student as driven as yourself. A rare thing indeed…"

**Here at Hogwarts**

(To the tune of "A Whole New World")

_Sung by Professor Slughorn & Tom Riddle_

Slughorn: _I can teach you the arts_

_Potions, spells, incantations_

_The thrill of each new creation_

_Tell me what you want to learn_

_Transfiguration is swell_

_Arithmancy, even better_

_But Potions, that's for the clever_

_And you seem eager to try_

_Here at Hogwarts_

_A brand new life you've never seen_

_Owls soaring high, a ceiling sky_

_A lake with a giant squid_

Tom: _Here at Hogwarts_

_Powers I never knew I had_

_Ghosts in the corridors, and Quidditch scores_

_The Slug Club seems worth joining_

Slughorn: _The Slug Club is worth joining!_

Tom: _A vast library of books_

_Knowledge without limitations_

_Friends to be had in high places_

_Waiting to yield to my charm_

_Here at Hogwarts_

Slughorn: _I just know you'll go far_

Tom: _Opportunity knocking at my door_

Slughorn: _You'll be Prefect and Head Boy_

Tom: _I'm in the top of my class_

_I'll make this last_

_And I won't go back to where I was before_

Slughorn: _Here at Hogwarts_

Tom: _I'm gaining control_

Slughorn: _One day you'll run for Minister_

Tom: _They're following my orders_

Both: _I'll/You'll be a great wizard_

_You mark my words_

_One day soon they all will know my/your name_

Slughorn: _Here at Hogwarts (_Tom Echoes: _Here at Hogwarts)_

_The place to be (The place to be)_

_A magic school (__A world to rule)_

Both: _Just wait and see_

As the song ends, Slughorn shakes hands with Tom.

"You just wait and see, my boy. You'll do a great many things, I can see it in your eyes. Now tell me more about that dragon heart potion…" He leads Tom offstage, and as the set changes to resemble the huge Hogwarts library several things happen. Tom walks back onstage, a smirk on his face, as he is followed by a few boys.

"Are you really the top student in the school?" one asks.

"I heard Dippet say it himself!" another answers.

"Wow Tom. Not even out of third year yet and you're already taking fifth year potions," the third says with audible awe.

"Yeah, I guess some of us are just smarter that way," Tom says in a very unsmart way. They all exit on the opposite side of the stage.

A few moments later Tom reenters, but it is a new boy who plays him. He no longer looks young with a round face, but he is much taller, with fine features and the same shiny black hair. Time has passed, but he is still followed by the same boys and a few girls. They are all ogling at his shiny new Prefect badge, and the girls are barely containing their admiration.

"Prefect! Oh Tom, how wonderful!" the shortest of the girls says.

"It was _obvious_ he was going to get it," one of the boys quips up.

"Oh Tom, I've been meaning to ask – would you mind terribly on helping me with my Transfiguration essay this Saturday?" a blond girl asks, batting her eyelashes at Tom. He simply smirks and smoothly runs a hand through his hair.

"Sure," Tom says, being a man of few words. All the girls giggle and run offstage as the boys thump him jovially on the back before leaving. Tom smiles after them, but as soon as they leave his smile turns into a scowl as he addresses the audience.

"Foolish children," he says, even though he is barely older than any of them. "All they care about is Hogsmeade weekends and who's snogging whom. None of them even care about their future, or I daresay, their past."

As he speaks he moves about the library, pulling books from the shelves. He selects a table and sits, holding up a book to show the audience. It is labeled _Hogwarts: A History_.

"I'm probably the only person who will ever read this," he muses to himself as he idly flips a few pages. He holds up the book again, showing the audience a picture of an old wizard that slightly resembles a monkey.

"Salazar Slytherin," he says, his eyes carefully scanning the page as he sets the book down. "One of the Founders of Hogwarts. The greatest Founder, actually. Only wanted Purebloods to attend the school. A grand idea; what a shame it never was used.

"See, unlike the simpletons I call classmates, I decided to do a little research into my family history. After all, I have so much talent it's absurd to think that _I_ could possibly be Muggleborn. Yes, my mother had died in childbirth, and I had never known my father, but there was simply no way I could be a _Mudblood_."

At this point he stands and places his arms on the table, lowering his chin to stare at the audience in a very disturbing way. His expression is somewhere between a glare and a smirk.

"And what I have found, my friends, is that I, Tom Marvolo Riddle, am not only magical, but perhaps the most magical of all. For my ancestor is none other than the great Salazar Slytherin!" He stops and gives the classic villain cackle, his first of many. It takes him a few moments, but he finally regains his composure, straightens his tie, and clears his throat.

"Forgive me. I am getting ahead of myself. Allow me to explain my tale in further detail so that you may understand what now rightfully lies in store for my future…"

**The Last Heir of Slytherin**

(To the tune of "All Star" by Smashmouth)

_Sung by Tom Riddle_

Tom: _When Dumbledore came to the orphanage and told me_

_That I have magic blood in my veins_

_I figured that my dad was the one with all the power_

_After all, mum had died from labor pains_

'_Cause a witch would be stronger and her life would last longer_

_But in my guess I couldn't be wronger_

_It turns out she was really the one_

_That passed this ability down to her son_

_The bloodline from the Gaunt family_

_Can be traced back to Hogwarts' beginning_

_The strongest of the Founders four_

_What wizard could ask for more?_

_Hey now, I'm the last heir, the last heir of Slytherin!_

_Hey now, 'cause you know there ain't no wizard as driven_

_This bloodline is pure gold_

_Coming with a pet that is centuries old_

_Parseltongue, a gift for chatting with serpents_

_That's how I'll open the Chamber of Secrets_

_I'll unleash the beast that lies within_

_Take my rightful place as the next Slytherin_

_Clear out this place for Pureblood rule_

_Dirty Mudbloods have no place in this school_

_The Basilisk's stare, strike Muggleborns down_

_That's what Slytherin planned when the school was found… ed_

There is an awkward pause as Tom tries to keep the syllables in time with the song. He clears his throat before continuing.

_Hey now, I'm the last heir, the last heir of Slytherin!_

_Hey now, 'cause you know there ain't no wizard as driven_

_This bloodline is pure gold_

_Coming with a pet that is centuries old_

The set has changed from the library to an ancient, cavernous tomb. Tom stands in the center in front of a large statue of the wizard from the book. His eyes gleam with a mad delight, complete with dark circles underneath. As he turns to the statue he holds out his hand, the palm turned toward the face of Salazar Slytherin. In a strange language full of hissing and spitting, Tom commands the mouth to open.

From the mouth of the statue a menacing hissing can be heard. All is silent for a moment until: "_Hiss... buck, buck, BUCK-ACK! _What appears to be a large rooster emerges from its centuries old resting place. However, this rooster has the fangs and tail of a serpent. It comes to stand before Tom, staring humbly at his feet but with a murderous fury in it's eyes.

Tom simply stares at it in disgust. "A chicken? Who's going to be afraid of that?" Waving his wand and muttering incantations under his breath, he transfigures the Basilisk into the form of a giant, formidable serpent. "Much better. _Now go_," Tom commands. "_Go and finish Slytherin's work."_

The snake slithers offstage, and as it leaves the set changes to a courtyard. There are two benches on either side of the stage facing a large white fountain at centre stage. A few trees and shrubs decorate the area, and the gurgling of the fountain can be heard amidst the laughter and chatting of a few students onstage.

While Tom still has the dark circles, his eyes are back to their soulful, bright gleam. He takes a seat next to the blonde girl on a bench, reading over some parchment with her. She nods every few seconds as if she actually understands what he's saying. A young girl with dark hair and horn-rimmed glasses sits on a bench opposite from the pair, shooting alternating glances of sheer adoration and sheer hate between Tom and the blonde girl, respectively. A young Rubeus Hagrid stands at the base of a tree where a partly disgruntled Fawkes looks down at him from a branch. While they all move about in the background, Professors Dumbledore, Dippet, and Merrythought file onstage, stopping a few feet from Tom to speak. He pretends not to listen.

"… I do have a thought", Dumbledore says.

"Let's have it then!" Dippet exclaims. "This is the fourth student Petrified this week alone! Any theory would seem logical right now."

"The Chamber of Secrets –"

"Any theory except that," Dippet interrupts.

"Headmaster, he could be right," Merrythought chimes in. "It is said to hold a monster so ancient and terrible there is no stopping it. The beast is supposed to finish Salazar Slytherin's work, and so far all of the victims have been from… un-Slytheriny backgrounds."

"Eloquently put, Professor Merrythought," Dumbledore agreed.

"If that is so," Dippet says, "then who could have let this beast out?"

Suddenly, all of the present students and staff stand in a chorus line and do a tap dance, complete with windmills and jazz hands.

**Who Let the Beast Out?**

(To the tune of "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by the Baha Men)

_Sung by the Old Hogwarts Peeps_

All: _Who let the beast out?_

Hagrid: _Who?_

Dumbledore: _Who?_

Myrtle: _Who?_

Olive Hornby: _Who?_

All: _Who let the beast out?_

Tom: _Who?_

Dippet: _Who?_

Slughorn: _Who?_

Professor Merrythought: _Who?_

The set clears and all of the students and staff dance offstage, still repeating their question of _who let the beast out?_ All, that is, except for Tom. He stands and slowly walks over to the side, staring expectantly across the now blank stage. In the distance a blood-curdling scream is heard, followed by many shocked gasps and cries. Tom jumps in the air, shouting, "_Yes!_" As he lands back on the ground he places his hands on his hips, moving in a square-like dance to the music.

**First Victim**

(To the tune of "Jump on It" by Sir Mix-a-Lot)

_Sung by Tom Riddle_

Tom: _You go, Basilisk_

_You go_

_You go, Basilisk_

_You go_

_First victim, first victim, first victim, first victim_

_Attack, Basilisk_

_Attack_

_Attack, Basilisk_

_Attack_

_First victim, first victim, first victim, first victim_

_Stare down, Basilisk_

_Stare down_

_Stare down, Basilisk_

_Stare down_

_First victim, first victim, first victim, first victim_

_She's dead_

_A Mudblood's dead_

_She's dead_

_A Mudblood's Dead_

_First victim, first victim, first victim, first victim_

Even after the music stops Tom keeps doing the dance with extra enthusiasm. He keeps this up until Dippet and Dumbledore mournfully enter the stage with their heads hung low. Before they look up Tom stops his dance and takes on a somber demeanor. Dippet approaches him, takes one look, and sighs heavily. Dumbledore simply observes Tom.

"A shame. Such a shame…" he mutters.

"Now, now, Armando…" Dumbledore cautions.

"Sorry sir, but what is such a shame?" Tom asks, feigning innocence.

"With all these attacks, and now that poor young girl dead, the school will be closing," Dippet sighs.

"_Say what!_" Tom asks, staring at Dippet as if he's lost his Gobstones. Dippet puts a hand on Tom's shoulders and gives a squeeze.

"You're such a brave little boy for keeping cool in these trying times. It is such a shame, Tom. Especially for you. You're such a bright, wholesome, good-natured young fellow and for you not to have a chance at finishing school… it just breaks my heart. You've got such potential… I acknowledge your abilities."

Having lost control, Dippet pulls Tom into a very tight hug, squeezing the air out of him. "You're too precious a student to lose to such a tragedy!"

"_Awk-ward_," Tom sings in his highest tenor note. It's a moment before he starts to struggle, gasping as he says, "Professor… can't… breathe…"

"Armando, I think you're killing young Mr. Riddle," Dumbledore says casually.

"Oh, I'm sorry my boy," Dippet says, releasing Tom from his grip. Tom looks around quickly to make sure no one but Dumbledore saw him get hugged by Dippet, and when he's sure the coast is clear he looks between his Professors with grave seriousness. Young Hagrid creeps to the edge of the stage and bends down looking into the orchestra pit. He keeps making funny faces and little cooing noises, as if he were talking to a baby.

"Sirs—if the person was caught—if it all stopped—"

Dippet leans toward Tom eagerly. "What do you mean? Riddle, do you mean you know something about these attacks?"

Tom backs up quickly, shaking his head. "No, sir."

He crosses the stage, passing near where Dumbledore stands. Dumbledore watches suspiciously as he passes. Tom stops right behind Hagrid.

"Stand aside Hagrid, and let me kill the beast!" Hagrid jumps violently, hurriedly acting as if he had been casually standing around the whole time. "I know _YOU'RE THE ONE_ _WHO OPENED THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS_!"

As Tom shouts the last words, Professors Dippet, Merrythought, Slughorn and Dumbledore rush over to where they are standing. Dippet immediately expels Hagrid from Hogwarts, snapping his wand over his knee while Tom looks on, cackling and rubbing his hands together evilly. The lighting slowly fades, with a single spotlight centered on Tom's chortling figure.


	4. Transformation

Act I, Scene 3: Transformation

The light broadens once again to encompass the entire stage, but the setting has been completely changed. There is now an ornate table surrounded by chairs and laden with a feast. Sitting in the chairs are two elderly people—a man and a woman—and a rather handsome man with black hair. All three are 'eating', but the room is completely silent.

A fourth person walks onstage without any announcement: Tom Riddle (Junior). It takes several seconds for the others to notice him, but when they do, they all rise from their seats, rather alarmed.

"Who are you?" Tom Riddle Senior asks.

Tom laughs evilly. "You don't recognize me? I'm hurt, _Father_."

The other three gasp theatrically. Riddle continues.

"I bet you thought that you were rid of me! Never bothered to look for me, you probably didn't even care that I existed! Ran back to Mummy and Daddy—excuse me—_Grandma _and _Grandpa_—like the filthy, cowardly Muggle you are. Well, _I _have been looking for _you _for _years."_

Throughout Tom's monologue, the other Riddles begin to lose interest. They become bored, and quietly go back to eating dinner, as if Tom has simply disappeared. He continues despite their inattention.

"I've been looking through books, pouring through records looking for some hint of my family. I was sure that my father, the one whom I was named after, must be a great wizard to produce _me_. But no! My father is nothing more than a—a—a _Muggle_! The worst of all shames!"

The other three pay no attention. They converse quietly among themselves about the weather and other such mundane topics. Seeing this, Tom loses his head completely.

"No, _no, _NO!" he screams shrilly, his voice cracking. "You are no longer my father! I do not need you! I need no one! No one! At all! Just me! And _this_!"

Tom brandishes his wand and sings:

**Revenge on My Father**

(To the tune of "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran)

_Sung by Tom Riddle_

Tom: _Long I have searched for the line of my father_

_Now I know that he's just a bother_

_Ha-ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hee-hee_

_He is a Muggle, that much I can tell_

_So he must die with my killing spell_

_Ha-ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hee-hee_

_The man never cared,_

_So now the punishment is death_

_The father who left my mother for dead,_

_I'm exacting my revenge_

_The bloodline must end, my unworthy kin_

_So now the punishment is death_

_The Riddle name gone by the break of new dawn_

_I'm exacting my revenge_

_Grandma and Grandpa, they are up next_

_Finished off by my killing hex_

_Ha-ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hee-hee_

_Show no mercy, this day is their last_

_I will not mourn them after they've past_

_Ha-ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hee-hee_

_The man never cared,_

_So now the punishment is death_

_The father who left my mother for dead,_

_I'm exacting my revenge_

_The bloodline must end, my unworthy kin_

_So now the punishment is death_

_The Riddle name gone by the break of new dawn_

_I'm exacting my revenge_

The music stops. Tom points his wand at his father, grandfather and grandmother and shouts _Avada Kedavra_ three times. All three die with looks of fear on their faces.

_(I've exacted my revenge,_

_Exacted my revenge_

_Fin'lly, my revenge!)_

_The man never cared,_

_So now the punishment is death_

_The father who left my mother for dead,_

_I've exacted my revenge_

_The bloodline must end, my unworthy kin_

_So now the punishment is death_

_The Riddle name gone by the break of new dawn_

_I've exacted my revenge!_

The scene fades to black once again and when the lights fade back in, the stage is once again set like a classroom, complete with tables, stools and cauldrons. Slughorn holds a pile of papers and is passing them out to his students. Last to get a paper is Tom Riddle, who sits near the edge of the stage. Glancing at his grade, he smirks.

All the students rise to leave the classroom and Riddle is immediately surrounded by several students, all of them discussing the grades they received on their Potions essays. When Tom speaks, they all immediately fall silent, hanging onto his every word.

"Lord Voldemort received an 'O'. Lord Voldemort is very pleased with this grade."

The students stare at him, confused.

"Who is Lord Voldemort?" they all ask in unison.

Tom smiles. "I am Lord Voldemort."

The Old Hogwarts Peeps smile and begin to disperse, but two remain—Rosier and Avery. Avery asks, "Why did you change your name T—Lord Voldemort?"

"Well, I'll tell you—"

**Lord Voldemort**

(To the tune of "Y.M.C.A." by the Village People)

_Sung by Lord Voldemort & the Death Eater Chorus_

Voldie: _Riddle, that's who I was as a boy_

_I said, "Riddle", it never brought me much joy_

_And Marvolo, that was my middle name_

_Sounded like dish soap and 'twas lame_

_Thomas, I was named for my dad_

_But now he's dead, and that makes me so glad_

_So I will give, myself a brand new name_

_Something that will gain me much fame_

While singing 'Lord Voldemort' during the chorus, Voldemort shapes his right hand into an 'L' and his left into a 'V'. These motions are continued throughout the song.

_No longer Tom,_

_I am Lord Voldemort_

_No longer Tom,_

_I am Lord Voldemort_

_My old name is gone_

_Already done said "So long"_

_Now I'm evil to the core_

_Lord Voldemort_

_I'm so cool, I am_

_Lord Voldemort_

_Tom Marvolo is done_

_Now let's have some fun_

_Striking fear into their hearts_

_Control, that is what I desire_

_I want to rule, under a reign of fire_

_So now I will, use fear as my means_

_And rejoice in all of the screams_

During this next verse, the rest of the Death Eaters enter the stage with black robes and hoods pulled over their heads.

_No man, can do it all by himself_

_I have power, but I know I need help_

_The Death Eaters, that is what they'll be called_

_And to help enforce my cruel laws_

_No longer Tom,_

Death Eaters Chorus: _He is Lord Voldemort!_

Voldie: _No longer Tom_

D.E.C.: _He is Lord Voldemort!_

Voldie: _My old name is gone_

_Already done said "So long"_

_Now I'm evil to the core_

D.E.C.: _Lord Voldemort!_

Voldie: _I'm so cool, I am_

D.E.C.: _Lord Voldemort!_

Voldie: _Tom Marvolo is done_

_Now let's have some fun_

_Striking fear into their hearts_

_But that is, not enough for me_

_I must live, for all of eternity_

_So now I will, find a way to live on_

_When even Dumbledore is gone_

_Somehow, I'll find a way to survive_

_When they are all dead, I will still be alive_

_And I will laugh, at their stupid state_

_And tap dance on each of their graves_

_No longer Tom_

D.E.C.: _He is Lord Voldemort!_

Voldie: _No longer Tom_

D.E.C.: _He is Lord Voldemort_

Voldie: _My old name is gone_

_Already done said "So long"_

_Now I'm evil to the core_

_Lord Voldemort_

_I'm so cool, I am_

_Lord Voldemort_

_Tom Marvolo is done_

All: _Now let's have some fun_

_Striking fear into their hearts!_

_Lord Voldemort…_

All the Death Eaters end the song in pairs, using their arms to shape the letters 'L' and 'V' as the audience bursts into thunderous applause. There is an odd number of Death Eaters, so one sits on the end simply waving his arms above his head, alternating between the two letters. Lord Voldemort settles for crossing his arms and looking utterly pleased with himself.


	5. First Reign

Act I, Scene 4: First Reign

After his big musical number from the previous scene in which he announced that he has changed his name, Lord Voldemort turns to face the Death Eater Chorus, who are gathered together in an organized jumble. All are wearing long, hooded black cloaks.

"Now that I have a new, ultra-powerful name, Lord Voldemort needs minions to help gain ultra-powerful…power," he muses to no one in particular.

"Well, let's see who is worthy to join my cause," Voldemort says. He strides across the stage to get a closer look at his followers, then commands them to line up army-style: "Atten-_hut_!"

The Death Eater Chorus forms two lines, with nine in the front row and eight in the second row.

"Sound off!"

One by one, the Death Eaters call out their names (still military-style), starting with Lucius Malfoy in the first row, far right on the stage. Lord Voldemort nods after each name, a look of satisfaction on his face. When the final name is called, Voldemort stands in front of them, preparing to make an empowering speech.

"You have gathered here to join me in my quest for domination. From this day forward, you shall be my Death Eaters. Power is within my—and to a lesser extent—your grasp. I can show you spells and curses beyond your wildest dreams. In return, I ask very little of you. A little Muggle torture here, a killing or two there, maybe your lives and livelihood. But most importantly, I ask for loyalty. I ask for pureblood pride. I ask for your devotion. So tell me…who wishes to join me? But before you answer, you should know-we have cookies."

Lord Voldemort pulls a plate from behind his back, piled high edible chocolate-chip goodness. Most of the Death Eaters have pulled their hoods up so that their faces cannot be seen, all except for Lucius, Wormtail, Rodolphus, Regulus, Rookwood, Dolohov, Greyback, Snape, and Bellatrix. These nine are in the front row, with the masked Death Eaters in the back.

Wormtail is the shortest of the group, with a pale balding head and nondescript features. Rodolphus, Rookwood, and Dolohov are tall and dark-haired. Regulus, the youngest, is of medium height, with stylish black hair. Greyback stands slightly hunched, animalistic, with scraggly, longish dark hair and long dirty fingernails. Snape can be recognized by his large, hooked nose and curtains of greasy black hair, while Bellatrix's long black hair is luxurious and shining and her dark eyes are hooded. She never takes her eyes off Lord Voldemort, even when the others are singing. All Death Eaters pull their hoods over their faces after each solo. Lucius steps forward first, his white hair luminescent under the stage lights, and begins singing:

**Death Eaters**

(To the tune of "His Cheeseburger" by the Veggie Tales)

_Sung by the Death Eater Chorus _

Lucius:_ He said to us, "I need some Death Eaters  
Loyal guys who will do as I plan"_

Wormtail:_ And I liked the way he was thinking  
So I signed up to join in his clan_

Rodolphus_: Hating Mudbloods seemed like so much fun  
It was something that I really enjoyed_

Regulus: _And besides, I am a true Pureblood  
It seemed I had no other choice_

There is a short awkward pause while Regulus pulls his hood up. The other Death Eaters look toward Lord Voldemort, who nods. Regulus is yanked back into the Chorus line.

All: _We are your Death Eaters, your loyal Death Eaters  
Working for You-Know-Who, we work for You-Know-Who  
We are your Death Eaters, your awesome Death Eaters  
We'll kill for you, and we will kill for you_

Rookwood: _We use all sorts of neat strategies  
Spying is the one I employ_  
Dolohov: _There are the Unforgivable Curses  
"Crucio" is my favourite new toy_!

Greyback: _Me, I just like to attack them  
Children are delicious to bite_

Snape: _Being a double agent is sexy  
No one knows where I stand in the fight_

Snape pulls his hood up. Voldemort tilts his head to the side as he joins the other Death Eaters, but waves off Snape's suspicious admission. He knows that Snape will always remain loyal.

All: _We are your Death Eaters, your faithful Death Eaters  
Working for You-Know-Who, we work for You-Know-Who  
We are your Death Eaters, your chouette Death Eaters  
We'll kill for you, and we will kill for you_

Bellatrix remains the only Death Eater whose face can be seen. She steps toward Lord Voldemort eagerly, clasping her hands in front of her.

Bellatrix: _Yes we love our Dark Lord with all our hearts  
And when it comes to leaving him, we will never part  
And after you put the Dark Mark on my arm_

She brandishes her left arm as her voice climbs in volume.

_I will lick it every day at the break of dawn  
And my deepest darkest wish is to become your Dark Queen;  
For no one loves you as I do  
Only as I do  
Always as I ddddooooo!_

Bellatrix falls to her knees at Lord Voldemort's feet. There is another awkward pause as all of the Death Eaters stare at her. Lord Voldemort stares at her, too, looking shocked, embarrassed, and slightly freaked out by her intensity. Trying to salvage the moment—and his wife—Rodolphus bows down as well. One by one the rest of the Death Eaters follow suit, until all are bowing down to worship Voldemort.

All: _We are your Death…Eat…errrrrrrrrrrs_

A few seconds pass, during which it is clear that Lord Voldemort is thoroughly enjoying being the subject of the Chorus' worship. He has a huge, cold smile on his face. Finally, Voldemort gives the command for them to rise. The Death Eaters surround him and they all grab a cookie from the plate.

"Go and do my bidding." There is a mad dash as the mob exits, still chewing, during which a masked Death Eater is left on the ground after being trampled by his peers. With much groaning, he pulls himself along the ground until he, too, has exited.

Lord Voldemort makes a big deal about checking that the coast is clear before he says his next words.

"My search for followers is not the only goal that I have set." His voice is soft, almost contemplative. "However, to trust is to err. None shall know about the next stage of my plan…not even my 'Dark Queen,'" he gives a theatrical shudder, then continues.

"If my plan succeeds, then I shall be able to gain immortality. Never again will I have to fear death or defeat, when parts of my soul will remain to bring me back to life." One by one, he places six seemingly ordinary objects around him in a semicircle. There is a simple black leather diary, a large golden locket, a humongous ring with a black stone, a slightly battered bronze-and-blue diadem, and a small golden cup with two handles and a badger engraved on it.

"Seven is the most magically powerful number," he muses quietly, surveying each of the items. "I will work on obtaining one more. But for now, six will have to do. Five murders, five valuable possessions in which to hold pieces of my soul…and the sixth in me!" He pulls out his wand and begins to sing:

**Tearing My Soul**

(To the tune of "Staying Alive" by The Begees)

_Sung by Lord Voldemort_

Voldie: _Oh, my greatest goal is to never die  
So with this spell I will stay alive  
Dark magic is my key  
To live for all of eternity_

Horcruxes, that's my plan  
To outlive any mortal man  
I do not have a conscience left  
This evil act leaves me guiltless

Never will I bother to worry 'bout another  
I'm tearing my soul, tearing my soul  
They will never beat me, they never will defeat me  
I'm tearing my soul, tearing my soul  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, tearing my soul, tearing my soul  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, tearing my soul!

As each object is mentioned, a green spotlight hits the object.

_Well now, my diary, that's the first  
Embedded with the Heir of Slytherin's Curse_

_There's the treasures of my fam'ly link  
Slytherin's locket, Marvolo's ring_

_Horcruxes, that's my plan  
To outlive any mortal man  
I do not have a conscience left  
This evil act leaves me guiltless_

Never will I bother to worry 'bout another  
I'm tearing my soul, tearing my soul  
They will never beat me, they never will defeat me  
I'm tearing my soul, tearing my soul  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, tearing my soul, tearing my soul  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, tearing my soul!

As the last few objects are mentioned the entire stage glows with an eerie green light, making Voldemort look extra scary.

_Helga's cup and Rowena's crown  
Items of the Founder's renowned_  
_Hidden in my "Dark Queen's" vault  
The other none can find at all_

Horcruxes, that's my plan  
To outlive any mortal man  
I do not have a conscience left  
This evil act leaves me guiltless

Voldemort's eyes flash scarlet and retain the vivid color.

_Never will I bother to worry 'bout another  
I'm tearing my soul, tearing my soul  
They will never beat me, they never will defeat me  
I'm tearing my soul, tearing my soul  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, tearing my soul, tearing my soul  
Ah, ha, ha, ha, tearing my soul!_

There is an explosion of green and red smoke from the ring of Horcruxes. When the smoke clears, Lord Voldemort's appearance has undergone a massive transformation. He is no longer the handsome, dark-haired Tom Riddle. Lord Voldemort's face now appears stark-white and skeletal. He is garbed in long, flowing black robes, and his eyes are scarlet, with slits for pupils. His entire face looks as if it is a waxy mask, with snakelike features and a flat nose. All of his black hair is gone, and his scalp is just as white as his face.

One by one, Lord Voldemort covertly removes each of his Horcruxes from the stage, as if he is hiding them. When all but the diary and Hufflepuff's cup are gone, Lucius and Bellatrix reenter. They stare at his new look with confusion and awe. He hands the diary to Lucius and the cup to Bellatrix.

"Guard them, or your lives are worth nothing," he commands in a high, cold voice and points them offstage. As they exit, he seems to catch sight of his long, white fingers. He examines them closely, then runs them over his own features, feeling his flat nose and waxy skin. Lord Voldemort conjures a floor-length mirror from midair, which he uses to observe his transformation with curiosity and shock. He looks in the mirror for several seconds before a big, evil smile crosses his face.

**Woah, I Look Like a Villain**

(To the chorus tune of "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" by Shania Twain)

_Sung by Lord Voldemort_

Voldie: Woah! I look like a Villain_._

(_Duhn, duhn, duh dad da, duhn duhn_)

Let's go, Death Eaters_._

The Death Eater Chorus joins him on stage, forming a line and starting to dance the can-can while he sings in the foreground_._

_The best thing about being a villain_

_Is that I never have to worry 'bout opinions…_

_Oh, oh, oh, I look totally frightening, deadly as lightning_

_Pale skin, scarily thin_

_Oh, oh, oh, livid red eyes, icy cold cry_

_Oh, oh, oh, I have slits for a nose, fully black clothed_

_Extremely tall and totally bald_

_Oh, oh, oh, it's the new me, yeah – fill them all with fear_

_Woah – I look like a villain_

With one hand, Voldemort beckons to the Death Eaters. They all exit stage right, leaving the mirror in the center of the stage.

Once the last Death Eater has exited, Dumbledore enters from stage left. His hair is no longer auburn, but bright silver. He is dressed in dark purple robes and high-heeled buckled boots. He walks over to the mirror, observing it with interest. He feels all up and down it, along the back, then gazes in it. His eyes brighten with tears for a moment, before he tears them away to read the words engraved across the top.

"_Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi…_'I show not your face but your heart's desire'…" he trails off, then a smile brightens his face.

"Hey! I can use this!"


	6. Sealing His Fate

Act I, Scene 5: Sealing His Fate

The scene has changed. It resembles a dark, poorly kept room. There are cobwebs and dust covering the two chairs and bed that sparsely fill the space. Next to this first room is another, slightly smaller room separated by a partition. There is only a desk in the center. Moonlight pours in through the windows as a lone sign to the right side of the stage creaks in the wind. The sign reads _The Hog's Head_ and is decorated with a picture of a boar's head on a platter.

Professor Dumbledore, wearing jade robes, enters from the left and goes into the room with the bed, taking a seat in one of the stuffed armchairs. He points his wand at the empty fireplace, mutters an incantation, and suddenly the room lights up and feels warm and cheery as opposed to cold and dirty.

He only has to wait a few moments before he is joined by a strange-looking woman. She is wearing a thick purple shawl and many protective amulets. Bangles ring on her arms as she walks, and her thick round glasses make her eyes look as if they are taking up most of her face. She enters the room, shakes Dumbledore's hand, and then takes the seat opposite the Professor.

"Thank you for meeting me on such short notice, Sybil," Dumbledore says.

"No, no, thank _you_, Professor," Sybil Trelawney replies. "Many a-night I have read the cards and leaves, hoping to see an employment opportunity in my future, yet to no avail."

"So you were surprised when I called upon you requesting an interview?" Dumbledore asks playfully, a twinkle in his eye.

"Surprised?" Sybil squeaks in surprise. "Of course not! I foresaw it in my crystal ball!"

"Of course you did, my dear," Dumbledore muttered.

"Ah ha! You yourself have called upon me to teach Divination at Hogwarts, yet you still do not believe in my gifts?"

"It's not that I don't believe in them, my dear," Dumbledore says. "I would just rather check _The Daily Prophet_ for my weather forecast than rely on a Seer…"

**Because I'm a Seer**

(To the tune of "I'm a Believer" by The Monkees)

_Sung by Professor Dumbledore, Sybil Trelawney & Severus Snape_

Dumbledore: _I think Divination is a waste of time_

_So few Seers who are not total fakes_

_But then along came Sybil_

_And she spoke to me_

_And my thoughts about it soon were changed_

Sybil: _I speak the truth!_

_Because I'm a Seer!_

_You may doubt_

_My gift of The Eye_

_But I don't lie_

All: _Ooooh, Ahh!_

Sybil: _Because I'm a Seer_

_I see the future when I try_

During the previous vocalization, Severus Snape has managed to tiptoe onstage to the adjoining room. He creeps to the lip of the stage and dramatically raises his index finger to his lips, as if gesturing for the audience to be quiet.

Snape: _I am here just to spy on Dumbledore_

_And to see if I can get a job_

_But there is this old bat_

_And she talks about tea_

_She's really making my head start to throb_

Sybil: _I speak the truth!_

_Because I'm a Seer!_

_You may doubt_

_My gift of The Eye_

_But I don't lie_

All: _Ooooh, Ahh!_

Sybil: _Because I'm a Seer_

_I see the future when I—_

She suddenly stops and slumps forward. Snape fumbles around in his cloak for a few minutes and finally manages to withdraw a red Dixie Cup™. He places it against the wall to listen in, missing the first few lines. Sybil lifts her head and speaks, an eerie, husky voice issuing forth that makes even Snape shiver in his graying underpants:

"_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies ..."_

There is a stunned pause before:

Dumbledore & Snape: _She speaks the truth!_

_Because she's a Seer!_

_She doesn't know_

_She does have The Eye_

Sybil: _But I don't lie_

All: _Oooh, Ahh!_

Dumbledore & Snape: _She is a Seer_

_She sees the future when she tries_

Sybil: _I can See!_

_I can See! _

_I can See!_

_I can See!_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah…_

All three dance offstage, repeating the chorus and waving their arms over their heads. The set changes once more. The bed and chairs are switched out for a comfortable-looking couch. The desk disappears and is replaced by a baby crib and rocking chair. The lighting is a warm, glowing gold. A man and woman enter the larger room. Cue Potters.

James Potter is tall with black, unruly hair and glasses. Lily Potter has bright red hair and beautiful green eyes. Harry Potter looks like a mix of his parents, with dark black hair and bottle green eyes. James sits on the floor with the baby while Lily sits on the couch. For a few minutes they simply laugh together as James conjures shapes from his wand and baby Harry tries to catch them. It is a happy scene, but one can only guess that it is about to take a turn for the worse.

Baby Harry yawns and James kisses him tenderly on the head before handing him to Lily. Lily moves towards the adjoining room as James flops down on the couch and tosses his wand aside. However, she stops in her tracks when there is a loud offstage knocking.

"Who's there?" she calls gaily.

"I'm gonna," a high voice responds.

"'I'm gonna' who?" James asks suspiciously.

"_I'm gonna keel you_!" Dark Lord Voldemort shrieks as he jumps onstage. Lily covers Harry's head and runs into the adjoining room as James shouts out, "It's you! Lily, take Harry and lock the door! Go now!"

Voldemort advances towards James slowly, an evil glare on his face. "Move aside, blood traitor."

"No!" James says defiantly. He leaps for his wand, but Voldemort is faster than that.

"_Accio wand_!" James stares at the Dark Lord, and Voldemort has to admire that he can hide his fear so well.

"You put up a noble fight boy, but there's no way you'll stop Lord Voldemort from doing what I've come for."

**Killing Harry**

(To the tune of "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee)

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort and Lily & James Potter_

_Special Appearance by Baby Harry_

James: _Don't go killing my son_

Voldemort: _Just get out of my way_

James: _Lily, take Harry and go!_

Voldemort: _If you don't move you will pay_

James: _Don't go killing my boy_

Voldemort: _Do not dare defy me_

James: _I'll die before I let you get through!_

Voldemort: _Then that's the way it shall be_

Together: _Ooh Ooh!_

_The Seer has spoken_

James: _You still won't get by!_

Voldemort: _Move or you'll die_

Both: _Ooh Ooh!_

_The Seer_ _has spoken (the Seer has spoken)_

James: _Stay away from my son!_

Voldemort: _Your time has now come!_

_Oh, Oh! _Avada Kedavra!

As Voldemort blasts the door to the nursery open he tosses the spare wand on James' lifeless body.

Lily: _But don't go killing my son!_

Voldemort: _Too bad, I'm killing your son!_

Lily: _Don't go killing my son!_

Lily places Harry in his crib and turns to face Voldemort, her arms thrown out to protect her baby.

Lily: _Don't go killing my son!_

Voldemort: _Silly girl, stand aside_

Lily: _I'll do anything to save my baby!_

Voldemort: _You're just wasting my time_

Lily: _Don't go killing my boy!_

Voldemort: _I'm not known for mercy_

Lily: _Not Harry, please take me instead_

Voldemort: _Then that's the way it shall be_

Both: _Ooh Ooh!_

_The Seer has spoken_

Lily: _Just tell me why!_

Voldemort: _Move or you'll die_

Both: _Ooh Ooh!_

_The Seer has spoken (the Seer has spoken)_

Lily: _Please not my son!_

Voldemort: _Your time has now come!_

_Oh, Oh!_ Avada Kedavra!

As Lily falls, Voldemort moves to the edge of the crib. Baby Harry smiles up at the Dark Lord, thinking that it is simply his daddy playing another game before bedtime.

Voldemort: _And my way is now clear_

_Yes, my way is now clear!_

_Ooh ooh!_

_The seer has spoken!_

_An important death,_

Baby Harry: Uh oh!

Voldemort: _So draw your last breath!_

Harry: He he!

Voldemort: _Now you must die,_

Baby Harry: Nigh' nigh'?

Voldemort: _Say your bye-byes!_

Baby Harry: (_crying_) Aaaahhhh!

Baby Harry has realised that the man under the cloak is not his daddy, but is in fact a scary monster that is a cross between a man and a snake. He screams bloody murder, and there is a slight pause and eye twitch on the Dark Lord's behalf. He had never been good with kids.

Voldemort: _Oh, oh!_ Avada Kedavra!

There is a flash of green light, blackness, and then an agonizing scream as the curtain falls.

END ACT I


	7. The Years Alone

Act II, Scene 1: Deep in Albania

Fading house lights mark the end of intermission. Lucius Malfoy walks onto the corner of the stage and faces the audience. A single spotlight illuminates his bright hair as he speaks somberly.

"In a single moment, the Wizarding world was changed; the Dark Lord fell and young Harry Potter became the Boy Who Lived. A relatively peaceful society was built over the years, in which Lord Voldemort was absent, but not forgotten. The mere mention of his name filled people with fear.

"And yet, people wondered—what happened to him? Was he dead? Abducted by aliens? Powerless? No one knew; the Dark Lord Voldemort seemed to have simply vanished entirely…"

The spotlight fades, and Lucius exits the stage.

The curtains open to reveal a forest scene, complete with various types of foliage. Green lighting enhances the dreariness of the background. The stage is completely empty of human presence, but a large snake is curled up in the middle of the stage.

Suddenly, a young man enters from stage right, stumbling over nonexistent rocks. The man is trembling and occasionally looks at a piece of parchment in his hand. He stops in the middle of the stage and glances around, before staring at the map and saying, "This can't be right!" He turns the map upside down, then tries flipping it around the other way. "I must have made a wrong turn. If I turned left at that last turn, instead of right, I…would be….near…_Albania?_"

The snake lifts his head and stares at the man. A voice echoes, though it cannot be determined where it comes from.

"_I know what you desire_."

The man jumps and looks around wildly, finally catching sight of the snake. It is to the snake that he addresses his question: "Wh-wha-what are you? What d-d-do you m-mean?"

"_I am the one who can give you the power you secretly want_."

"B-but I d-d-don't-"

"_Do not lie to Lord Voldemort_." Quirrell shrieks at the sound of the name, throws his map into the air and begins to run offstage. He is tripped by the snake. The snake rises even higher and stares down at Quirrell.

"_I can give the power you desire, but in return, you will help me obtain what I want."_

Quirrell looks around as though meaning to escape. "W-why d-d-do you need m-me?"

"_I require a body to possess and, as yours is available, you are the reasonable choice. It is but a small sacrifice to pay in return for your deepest desire. Do we have a deal?" _

Quirrell nods as if hypnotized, and as the stage fills with smoke, the voice—Voldemort's voice—starts to sing:

**The Years Alone**  
(To the tune of "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong)_  
Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort_

Voldie: _I wait in the woods  
Feeding on rats  
Then Quirrell comes  
And I'm under his hat_

And I think to myself – Now this is my chance

The music suddenly stops. The smoke remains on the stage, but trees are still visible through the mist. Several of the trees appear taller than before, showing passage of time. Quirrell has disappeared, as has the snake. A spotlight appears at stage left and travels right slowly, as though following someone who has entered, though no one can be seen. The spotlight stops at center stage and Voldemort's voice once again echoes throughout, though it is not matched with a physical body. The music continues.

_I've tried for the Stone  
Now it's destroyed  
And I'm still powerless  
I'm naught but a void_

And I think to myself – One day they will come

As the voice sings the bridge, several small animals creep onstage and sway to the music. The spotlight travels from side to side, as though its subject is pacing. During the last line, smoke fills the stage again and the animals slowly filter offstage.

_The Death Eaters who follow me, how loyal they always are  
Spreading chaos and havoc both near and oh so far  
I know they will be there to listen to my voice  
It's not like they have any other choice  
_

_(Instrumental interlude)_

The smoke slowly dissipates, revealing the same set as before, but with taller trees and a few more bushes, indicating another time lapse. A snake is once again the only thing onstage, though it is not the same snake as before. It appears very depressed, with hanging head. It lifts its head as another snake slithers onstage. Suddenly, with a bright flash of light, the snake collapses, dead, while the new serpent is thrown a few feet into the air. The new serpent raises its head and glances around several times, then hangs its head as well as Voldemort's voice continues the song:

_Where are my minions?  
The followers I had  
Even my "Dark Queen"  
Though she's a bit mad_

_And I think to myself - Now I've lost all my hope_

The music fades out. The lights onstage slowly darken, then come back on. When they are rekindled, the trees have changed places as though the scene is a different part of the same forest. One or two are lying on their sides as if uprooted by strong winds. The stage is empty for a few seconds, but then a short man enters from stage right. He is wearing long black robes and is carrying what appears to be a baby wrapped in a bundle of ratty blankets. An enormous green snake follows at his heels like a dog. This odd group stops in the middle of the stage and turns to face the audience. When the singing starts again, the voice comes directly from the blankets in Wormtail's arms.

_Now Wormtail has come  
And though he's not bright  
I'll use his help  
To gather my might_

And I think to myself – If this don't work I will quit  
Yes I think to myself – If this don't work I will quit

The lights dim as Wormtail exits the stage holding the creepy Voldie-baby, with Nagini in tow.


	8. Power Again

Act II, Scene 2: Power Again

Lights fade in to show a graveyard scene on the stage. Three or four tombstones are lined in the back of the stage, with one nearer to the front. A teenage boy is gagged and tied to the closest headstone, sinking in his bonds as if he is injured. In front of him, Wormtail is slumped against the side of a large black cauldron that is issuing thick white smoke. He is cradling his arm, the end of which is covered in blood-stained rags. A mysterious song plays in the background, steadily increasing in tempo and volume.

Haltingly, Wormtail says in a voice that sounds like he is crying: "The Dark Lord will rise again!"

In the midst of the smoke coming from the cauldron, Dark Lord Voldemort emerges, his skin as white as ever, his eyes blood red, and his face just as snakelike.

"And now, with Harry Potter's blood in my veins, I am stronger and more powerful than before!" he exults as he steps out of the cauldron. "And with your assistance, Wormtail, I can now summon my true family to my side!"

He seizes Wormtail's left arm and presses his long white finger to the black Dark Mark tattoo. The smaller man howls in pain, but the sound is drowned out by a trumpet fanfare. Within moments, Avery, Nott, Crabbe, Goyle, Lucius, and Macnair appear, forming a semicircle around the outside of the stage so that Voldemort, Harry, and Wormtail are still clearly visible.

"So my Death Eaters have returned at last," Dark Lord Voldemort says dangerously, playing with his wand between his fingers. The Death Eaters shift uncomfortably, murmuring among themselves. "For years I have waited in vain for one of them to come to my aid. Perhaps they thought me dead, as the rest of the wizarding world did."

"Forgive us, Master!" Avery cries out, falling to his knees.

"Oh, that's okay." Lord Voldemort waves off the apology.

"Really?"

"No…_Crucio_!" Avery jerks on the ground for a few moments before Lord Voldemort lifts his wand and speaks again.

"Lord Voldemort questions their loyalty. They will have to prove that they are still my faithful followers. At least they have shown up now, to witness my moment of triumph, my rebirth. Not only have I returned from the dead, but tonight, I will finish the job that I started thirteen years ago. Tonight, I will kill Harry Potter."

Wormtail leads the Death Eaters in a cheer before beginning to sing:

**Rebirth**

(To the tune of "My Girl" by The Temptations)

_Sung by the Death Eater Chorus present in the Graveyard_

Wormtail: _To raise my master_

_I took bones from this grave_

_Blood of the enemy_

_And my hand I gave_

_Now we're all here_

_To witness Harry's death and cheer_

_Rebirth_

Avery: _Rebirth_

Macnair: _Rebirth_

Crabbe & Goyle: _Rebirth of the Master_

All: _Voldie!_

Lucius: _I'll lead Muggle torture_

_In his new regime_

Macnair: _And I'll have better prey_

_Than these beastly fiends_

Both: _Now we're all here_

_To witness Harry's death and cheer_

_Rebirth_

Wormtail: _Rebirth_

Avery: _Rebirth_

Crabbe & Goyle: _Rebirth of the Master_

All: _Voldie!_

_Ooooh, Ooooh…_

Voldemort smiles slightly, then holds up his hands for silence. He inclines his head toward Wormtail.

"You will all learn that I reward those followers who help me." He waves his wand in the air, and a shining silver glove affixes itself to Wormtail's stump of an arm.

"Thank you, Mast—" Wormtail's thanks are cut short when the hand jerks him across the stage to where Harry is tied up. Seemingly of its own accord, the hand cuts Harry free, gives him his wand, then pushes him toward where Voldemort is standing, fiddling with his own wand.

"Untie our prisoner and give him back his—oh…" Voldemort trails off as he notices Harry standing before him. "Never mind." The two stare each other down for a moment.

"Prepare to duel, Harry Potter. Prepare to die," Dark Lord Voldemort says quietly. They both move at the same time, pointing their wands at each other.

"_Avada Kedavra_!" Voldemort yells, and a burst of green light shoots out of his wand.

"_Expelliarmus_!" Harry yells at the same time, and a red light collides with the green light in midair.

The few moments seem to happen very quickly. As soon as the beams connect, a beautiful melody (mainly harp) starts to play. Also, a dazzling white light surrounds both Voldemort and Harry. Sparks fly around the stage. The Death Eaters are terrified, falling all over themselves. Lord Voldemort is clearly scared, too, but Harry merely looks determined. They are both struggling to hold onto their wands. Smoke spills onto the stage, as well, so that the lights seem to be reflected all around. Hazy shapes appear to be emerging from Voldemort's wand, faces reflecting in the smoke: a teenage boy, an old man, a young woman, and Lily and James Potter.

"What's going on?" Voldemort shrieks. "How is this happening? What is causing this bond between us?" The phoenix music builds in intensity. Harry and Voldemort say in comprehensive unison: "Phoenix feathers!" before breaking out into song.

**Bound Together**

(To the tune of "Fill Me Up Buttercup" by The Foundations)

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter & Death Eater Chorus Echo_

Both: _We are bound, (they are bound) bound together_

_By a Phoenix core (Phoenix core) but there is more_

_When our minds connect (minds connect) control is lost_

_And when we try to stop (try to stop) it keeps coming up_

_We are tied, (they are tied) tied much closer together_

_Than either of us could desire_

_But from this bond (from this bond) the stakes have now become higher_

_We tried a Wizard's Duel; it didn't really work out_

_The beams of light shot sparks all about_

_Past victims emerged from the tip of the wand_

_There must be a reason for this bond_

Harry: _Hey, hey, hey – A. Kedavra was meant to kill_

_Hey, hey, hey – Instead the curse simply split the veil_

Voldie: _Now this link_

_Makes me think I will prevail_

Both: _Oooo-Oooo, Oooo-Oooo…_

_We are bound, (they are bound) bound together_

_By a Phoenix core (Phoenix core) but there is more_

_When our minds connect (minds connect) control is lost_

_And when we try to stop (try to stop) it keeps coming up_

_We are tied, (they are tied) tied much closer together_

_Than either of us could desire_

_But from this bond (from this bond) the stakes have now become higher_

"Now!" Harry yells, yanking his wand upward. There is another explosion of smoke rushing in the direction of Voldemort and the Death Eaters. While they are blinded and distracted, Harry runs off the stage.

The smoke clears. Voldemort leaps forward, looking around frantically.

"Where is he?" he asks.

"I'm sorry, my Lord, but he has escaped," says Avery, cringing in anticipation of being tortured.

"Noooo!" Dark Lord Voldemort yells in frustration. "He'll run and tell everyone about my rebirth! This wasn't supposed to happen so soon!"

Lucius speaks up rather hesitantly: "We must hope, Master, that no one believes him." His words seem to have somewhat of a calming effect on Voldemort. He breathes deeply for a few seconds, then speaks again.

"Well then, we have work to do." With one hand, Voldemort beckons, and his Death Eaters follow him off stage, the opposite side that Harry exited. There is a quick scene change, in which all of the tombstones are removed, as well as the big cauldron, leaving an empty stage.

Harry enters again with Dumbledore, with Fudge, Ron, and Hermione following close behind. Harry is talking to Dumbledore, waving his hands around as he tells his story.

"—and they told me to break the connection and escape while Voldemort was distracted. So I grabbed the Cup and used it to come back here—"

"Rubbish, Dumbledore!" Fudge interrupts. "You-Know-Who can't be back, it's impossible!"

"You've got to believe me, Minister!" Harry says indignantly.

"Truly, Cornelius," says Dumbledore reasonably. "There can't be any other explanation; Voldemort truly has returned, and he is going to try to regain the power and reign that he lost thirteen years ago."

Fudge separates himself from the other four on one side of the stage. Harry steps forward, addressing both Fudge and the audience as he sings:

**New Reign of Terror**

Harry: _Holy crap – the Dark Lord's back!  
It's clear that now he's after me, it's plain to see  
And yet no one believes in me, that it will be  
The new reign of terror_

The Death Eater Chorus files in while Fudge is singing, forming a line behind the others. They are all masked and hooded so that their faces are hidden.

Fudge: _They all are after me, they want my job  
Especially that Dumbledore – he's such a snob  
You-Know-Who has not come back, it's all a lie  
The new reign of terror_

The Death Eaters pull out large, dark purple flowers and wave them through the air as they begin to sing the chorus. Whenever they sing the word 'you,' they use their flowers to point at Fudge.

D.E.C.: _The Dark Lord's risen and there is no way that you  
Can stop him now  
Whether or not you believe he is back  
He's gonna kill you anyhow!_

Dumbledore: _Training Harry, now that's the key  
To saving all of Wizard kind, humanity  
That he may carry on the fight, though I must leave  
The new reign of terror_

The Death Eaters begin to wave their purple flowers again. Now, they point at Dumbledore whenever they sing 'you'.

D.E.C.: _The Dark Lord's risen and there is no way that you  
Can stop him now  
Whether or not you believe he is back  
He's gonna kill you anyhow!_

Ron: _My blood is pure, but it's no help  
The Death Eaters consider me a traitor's whelp  
The danger's just as real for me as any in  
The new reign of terror_

Hermione: _I'm Muggleborn, so you can see  
That I'm a major target of the enemy  
But never will I run away until we beat  
The new reign of terror_

Death Eaters again sway with their flowers, this time pointing at Ron, Hermione, and Harry respectively.

D.E.C.: _The Dark Lord's risen and there is no way that you  
Can stop him now  
Whether or not you believe he is back  
He's gonna kill you anyhow!_

_The new reign of terror_

Trio: _We have to stop him!_

D.E.C.: _The new reign of terror_

At the end of the song the Death Eaters all use their hands to crush, tear, pummel, and otherwise maim their flowers. All Death Eaters, that is, but one.

The lone Death Eater delicately caresses their flower, sniffing it through their mask, and gazing intently at it before promptly shoving it under their hood to stuff it in their mouth. We can only guess that this Death Eater is Bellatrix Lestrange.

As the flower is devoured, one single petal falls to the stage. The lights dim except for a spot on the petal as all exit the stage. There is silence for a brief moment before a bolt of lightning issues and reduces the petal to dust.

Blackout.


	9. Turning the Tide

Act II, Scene 3: Turning the Tide

When the lights come up again the set resembles the Headmaster's office of Hogwarts. There is a single, large wooden desk in the centre of the stage surrounded by many bookcases filled with ancient magical volumes and varying whirring instruments. Above the bookcases are the portraits of Headmasters and Headmistresses past, all glaring down at Severus Snape, who is seated calmly in the chair behind the Headmaster's desk, quietly reading the new issue of _Witch Weekly_.

Everything is silent except for the turning of the pages. Suddenly, there is a loud whooping yell from offstage, and Snape promptly hides his magazine before he is joined by several Death Eaters. As the music starts, Rowle and Yaxley enter, carrying a keg of Butterbeer between them. Fenrir Greyback is blowing on a party favor and doing all the yelling. Lucius carries a banner that reads 'Congratulations, Snapey', and Wormtail trails behind with a large cake featuring a picture of Snape sullenly wearing a pink knitted sweater.

**Snape Killed Dumbledore**

(To tune of "Dance to the Music" by Sly & the Family Stone)

_Sung by the Death Eater Chorus_

All: _Snape killed Dumbledore!_

_Snape killed Dumbledore!_

Lucius: Hey Snape!

Snape: …what?

Lucius: _Tell us again how it happened_

Wormtail: _That night on the lightning struck tower_

Snape: No.

Greyback: _I heard the Malfoy boy failed_

_He was too chicken when it came the hour_

Lucius glares at Greyback.

Rowle: _Snape stepped in to spare him_

_Sent the old coot over the wall_

Yaxley: _Now he's Master's favourite_

_And he's the favourite of us all!_

Snape: Stop.

All: _Snape killed Dumbledore! _

_Snape killed Dumbledore!_

The gathered Death Eaters get slightly louder, hoisting Snape up onto their shoulders and twirling him around onstage.

_Snape killed Dumbledore!_

_Snape killed Dumbledore!_

The music suddenly stops. Snape is lowered to the stage, then all gathered Death Eaters freeze in a manner as to let Snape take the floor. He looks around briefly, shrugs, and bows towards the audience.

Snape: Thank you. Thank you. Goodnight.

There is a momentary pause as all Death Eaters look puzzled at his lack of joy, but they all shrug it off very quickly and exit the stage repeating the chorus. The lights fade as Harry Potter comes running up the aisle way with a broom in hand. He clambers up onstage, and as the lights come up we see several other people standing in a semi-circle. Among them is included the Weasley twins, Ron, Hermione, and Fleur Delacour. They are all holding broomsticks and have lightning bolts drawn in Sharpie on their foreheads. They are wearing black glasses exactly like what Harry wears. Alastor Moody is pacing back and forth between them, giving last minute instructions.

"…and if one of us should fall, the rest keep on moving, no "ifs, ands, or buts" about it."

Two of the Harrys-Ron and Fred-giggle behind their hands while murmuring "butts… tee-hee!"

"Charming," one of the Harrys-Hermione-says. Moody inspects him closely, then scoffs and turns away.

"Anyhow… the Dark Lord won't be far behind, and I'm sure this place is about swarming with Death Eaters, so we best get a move-on. Let's fly!" The real Harry snorts as the rest look somewhat amused. Moody turns fiercely on them all, shouting, "You think this is funny? You think this is a game?"

"It's just… 'let's fly'? That's the best you can come up with?" George-Harry asks.

"Yeah, you could have said something like, 'Let's go' or 'Move out!'" Fred pipes up.

"Even, '_Allons-y_' would 'ave worked," a thickly French-accented Harry-Fleur-chimes in. By now the real Harry is having a hard time containing his laughter.

"We don't have time for this!" Moody declares. "_Accio brooms_!" As Moody shouts the command, six brooms shoot out from offstage. All the Harrys and Moody mount and kick off the ground. Several things happen.

A fast-paced Latin beat picks up. Fog fills the stage as several hooded and masked Death Eaters fly out to chase all those dressed like Harry. Hexes and curses start to get thrown everywhere, making the stage lights flicker all sorts of colours. Amid all the chaos a wisp of smoke clears and Voldemort can be seen standing centre stage, utterly bewildered and angry all at the same time. He stomps his foot indignantly and starts to sing.

**Chasing Harry**

(To the chorus tune of "Livin' La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin)

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort_

Voldie: _They are planning a decoy_

_Something to trip me up_

_They think they are being so coy_

_Severus has tipped me off_

_Oh crap – there are seven Potters_

_Of that I was unaware_

_No bother, it doesn't matter_

_I'll catch them in the air_

He starts throwing out curses left and right, yet still manages to keep singing. Several times he has to duck to avoid a broom sweep-and-fly.

_I'll search out the true Harry and by my hand he will die_

_This deed I will take pleasure in – I'll smite him from the sky!_

_It'll be his last goodbye!_ Oh yeah!

_Chasing the Harrys_

_But how do I know the real one?_

_Identical to me_

_How do I know the real one?_

_I guess I'll kill them all_

_Just to make sure the act's done_

As Voldemort points his wand at one of the Harrys he responds by shouting, "_Expelliarmus!_" and Voldemort's eyes glisten with recognition.

_Hold up – What was that?_

_And now I can tell the real one_

He's mine!

_Now I can kill the real one_

Voldemort points his wand at Harry. Harry drops his wand on accident, but the wand reacts on it's own and shoots out gold sparks at Voldemort. The sparks cause Voldie's wand to explode in his hands, and as all the Harrys exit offstage he snatches a wand from one of his hooded Death Eaters.

"Give me that! Charge!" Followed by his loyal minions, Voldemort starts to follow the Order of the Phoenix offstage. However, he runs straight into an invisible barrier and is thrown back a few inches. He looks around at his followers in confusion, then begins banging on the barrier. "No, no, NO! Protective barriers! It's not FAIR!"

The lights dim as Voldemort falls to his knees, vainly pounding on the invisible wall as his Death Eaters stare at him.


	10. Obsession

Act II, Scene 4: Obsession

The Dark Lord Voldemort spins on the stage, and—in a flash of light and a puff of smoke—disappears. The stage darkens momentarily then is dimly illuminated by blue lights. These lights give a bluish tint to the setting, which is a dungeon. Shackles litter the walls, and a small tin plate lies in a corner with a piece of bread on it. Curled up next to the plate is a rather emancipated man. He trembles every few seconds.

Suddenly, the Dark Lord Voldemort reenters from stage left. His piercing voice comes close to cracking as he screams:

"Ollivander!" The man lying on the floor winces, crawling across the stage in the opposite direction. "You told me the problem would be solved by using another's wand! You know what must happen now!"

Ollivander wildly shakes his head. "No, no I beg you! Not the Cruciatus Curse!"

Voldemort cackles, but then pulls another wand from his cloak. Ollivander furrows his brow in confusion.

"My wand? But what are you-"

Lord Voldemort pulls a power saw from behind his back and revs it on. With a quick jerk, he saws Ollivander's wand in half, causing the wandmaker to writhe in seeming agony.

"No! No! Not my wand! Not my fourteen and one-eighth inches, almond and phoenix feather wand!"

"You sought to help Potter, to help him escape me!"

"I swear I did not…I believed a different wand would work!"

Voldemort pulls another wand seemingly from midair and holds it near the saw as well.

Ollivander shakes his head in horror. "Not my spare wand too! Not my twelve and three-eighths inches mahogany and dragon heartstring wand!"

Voldemort saws this wand in half as well, then demands, "Explain, then what happened. Lucius's wand is destroyed!"

"I cannot understand…The connection…exists only…between your two wands…"

"Lies!"

Ollivander writhes as Voldemort pulls yet another wand from his cloak.

"No, not my back-up wand as well! Not my twelve inch cherry and maple wand with essence of pixie hair!"

After the Dark Lord destroys this wand, he turns to exit the stage, leaving Ollivander trembling and thrashing about on the floor. Voldemort stops just before he disappears from sight, as though struck by a sudden thought. Ollivander sobs from his place on the floor.

Voldemort faces him and commands: "Tell me of the Deathstick."

Ollivander jerks in surprise. "Th-the Deathstick?"

Voldemort pulls another wand into view and holds it threateningly near the saw's blades. Ollivander moans, muttering under his breath, "Ash…eleven inches…powdered basilisk fang…_emergency wand…_"

"Do not feign ignorance! I have heard of this wand—the Deathstick. Tell me what you know!"

Ollivander shivers, his eyes between the saw and his beloved wand. "But you are so powerful! Why should you have need of it?"

"You fool!" Voldemort screams, then sings.

**Wand of Destiny**

(To the tune of "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf)

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort & Mr. Ollivander_

Voldie: _My Yew wand failed… yes, yes_

_To complete my killing spell_

_The borrowed wand was also a dud_

_But now I need, the Deathstick to finish the deed_

Both: _This is a power that we both seek_

_Something that is invincible_

_It's the Wand of Destiny_

_Here's a wand that can't be beat_

_With it there can be no defeat_

_It's the Wand of Destiny_

_Where's it gone to?_

_Could belong to_

_Anybody else but you_

Ollivander: _I don't even know where it is_

_And I wouldn't say if I did_

_No wait, oh please, don't torture me!_

_If you just stop I will do as you bid_

_The last I knew, it belonged to an evil wizard like you_

Both: _This is a power that we both seek_

_Something that is invincible_

_It's the Wand of Destiny_

_Here's a wand that can't be beat_

_With it there can be no defeat_

_It's the Wand of Destiny_

_Where's it gone to?_

_Could belong to_

_Anybody else but you_

_This is a power that we both seek_

_Something that is invincible_

_It's the Wand of Destiny…_

A spotlight hits on Lord Voldemort, who walks to the front of the stage and stands directly in the middle, facing the audience. The lights behind him fade, so that he is all that can be seen. He clasps his hands in front of him and addresses the audience in a rather wounded voice, as though seeking sympathy.

"I've only left for a little while on a very important quest—to find the infamous Wand of Destiny. In my absence, I asked a very simple task of my Death Eaters: capture Harry Potter; they didn't even have to _kill_ him. _I _would do that. I made sure to leave them the _easy_ part, sure they could not screw it up. But no! My INCOMPETANT DEATH EATERS can't even find a _seventeen-year-old child_! You'd think it would be easy. After all, England is not _that_ big…oh, okay, yes, it is…but _still_."

Voldemort pauses and takes a deep breath, as if trying to calm himself.

"Right now, all I want is just one _tiny _little thing:

**False Alarms**

(To the tune of "Somebody to Love" by Queen)

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort, Bellatrix Lestrange & the Death Eater Chorus_

Voldie: _I need a minion who's not completely—_

D.E.C.: _Daft_

Voldie: _The task I gave them was so simple_

_Capture Potter and give him to me_

_But each time they touch the Dark Mark_

_I fly to them and I see—_

(_Music cuts off_)

Rowle: He has escaped, my Lord. Please forgive us!

Voldie: Lord Voldemort is not sure that he will forgive this time.

(_Music restarts_)

Voldie: _These false alarms are just wasting my time_

_Lord Voldemort shows no mercy, Oh!_

_Death Eaters_

D.E.C. (_echo_): _Death Eaters_

Voldie: _Death Eaters_

(echo): _Death Eaters_

(_Music cuts off_)

Bellatrix: I'm sorry, my Lord, but… they're no longer here.

Voldemort: Say what? _Crucio_!

(_Music restarts, slowly_)

Voldie: _I need a minion who's not— _

_completely—_

Bellatrix (_in high E_): _Daft_

Voldemort bows his head momentarily, then asks the audience: "Is that too much to ask?"

The spotlight cuts off. When it focuses back on Voldemort, he is no longer alone; Snape is beside him. The backdrop behind them includes a castle next to a large lake. A clump of trees in the corner of the stage convey the impression of a forest. Snape and Voldemort walk slowly across the stage, following the tree line.

Snape speaks: "I am quite surprised, my Lord. I did not think that your inspection of Hogwarts was scheduled until next week. Had I known, I would have prepared a more congruous welcome."

"I care not for such trivialities. I merely wish to see the progress of the school."

"Of course, my Lord. Would you like to observe a particular class or-"

"I shall join you in the castle shortly. Leave me now."

Snape bows and exits to the left of the stage. Voldemort mutters, "I have work to do…like breaking into a tomb!" He cackles.

Voldemort raises his wand and taps his own bald head. He then flattens himself against one of the trees and begins to inch his way across the stage again. He glances both ways and rolls like a ninja so that he is 'hidden' by the next tree. As he moves, he hums his own theme song, which sounds like a cross between the Mission Impossible theme and the 007 theme. When Voldemort finally reaches the end of the tree line, he stops and looks around, confused.

"Where is it?"

Suddenly, a white tomb is pushed onto the opposite end of the stage. Voldemort catches sight of it and sighs, but makes his way back across the stage furtively, pointing his wand threateningly and occasionally rolling in between trees. When he reaches the foot of the tomb, he raises his wand. The tomb splits open with a flash of light and Voldemort snatches the wand from within with a squeal of excitement. He raises it high…and sings:

**The Wand is Mine**

(To the chorus tune of "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor)

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort_

Voldie: _At last I know just where it is_

_In Dumbledore's grave_

_Lying just beneath the lid_

_I bet you didn't think that I would stoop so low_

_You'd think I'd falter_

_That just shows what you don't know!_

_Oh yes, it's time_

_The Wand is mine!_

_I can feel the power in my blood, the magic start to climb_

_Now there's no chance for the boy_

_And his life I will destroy_

_The Wand is mine… Oh yes, it's mine… Hey, hey!_

A spotlight centers on the wand in Voldemort's hand as he thrusts it into the air, displaying it for the entire audience to see.


	11. The Beginning of the End

Act II, Scene 5: The Beginning of the End

Lord Voldemort is standing alone on the stage, which is still set as the Hogwarts scene. The outline of the Hogwarts castle is in the background, with lit windows and turrets, while the trees of the forest are set up to the left. Voldemort is toying with the Elder wand as he makes his way down the steps to the area in front of the raised stage.

"With the Wand of Destiny in my possession…" he muses to nobody. It is clear that he is feeling particularly confident and arrogant right now. "How can anyone, even Harry Potter, defeat me?"

"My Lord!" Bellatrix enters from the rear of the theatre, running up the center aisle toward the Dark Lord Voldemort. She has a look of sheer panic on her face.

Bellatrix falls to her knees at Voldemort's feet and speaks in a faltering voice. "Master, the Potter boy and his two friends have broken into my vault at Gringotts."

All arrogance drains from Voldemort's face, to be replaced by a look of fury.

"And they escaped?" he says in a voice that sounds as if he is just barely keeping his temper. Bellatrix nods. "What did they steal?"

"The small golden cup…"

"That I asked you to guard, or your life would be worth nothing?" he finishes Bellatrix's sentence quietly. She nods again, preparing for the explosion.

He doesn't disappoint her. Voldemort opens his mouth and loudly hisses and spits for several moments, clearly swearing in Parseltongue. Bellatrix flinches at the beginning of the tantrum, but then a look of confusion crosses her face as her master continues to rant and rave incoherently. Dark Lord Voldemort finally falls silent, panting slightly in anger. Following his words, a long _beep_ rings across the stage, entirely too late to "censor" the Parselmouth's potty mouth.

"Listen to me closely," he says in English. "I should kill you for your incompetence, but I won't." Bellatrix lowers her head in submission, hiding the look of relief on her face.

"I need you to gather my Death Eaters and report to Hogwarts. The Potter boy will return to the school before long, and that is likely where the battle will take place. Do not fail me this time."

Bellatrix rises and exits quickly, as though she cannot believe her good fortune. Voldemort waits until she can no longer be seen, then rants in Parseltongue for a few more seconds. Again, he falls into contemplative silence, then calmly hisses. Nagini enters, slithering to Voldemort. He bends to pick her up, wrapping her around his neck and turning her head to face him.

"We have a problem, Nagini," Voldemort says softly to her. "Now, I know what they're up to."

**Horcrux Murder**

(To the tune of "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister)

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort_

Voldie: _Murdering Horcruxes!_

_Now I know that's their plan_

_Murd'ring my Horcruxes to beat me_

_I can't believe they've found them_

_There ain't no way around them_

_They're smarter than I thought they were_

_Especially that Potter boy, he's_

_On his way to destroy, and_

_I must stop him from this slaughter_

_Murdering Horcruxes!_

_Now I know that's their plan_

_Murd'ring my Horcruxes to beat me_

_Now I must go and check them_

_And hopefully protect them_

_My ring, locket, cup and diadem_

_And I will take Nagini_

_So none can be a meanie_

_Keep her close so that her life won't end_

_Murdering Horcruxes!_

_Now I know that's their plan_

_Murd'ring my Horcruxes to beat me!_

After the song ends, Voldemort stands in place for a moment, obviously lost in thought. He is stroking Nagini's head like a clichéd villain from old spy movies.

"While my "Dark Queen" rallies my army, I have my own job to complete. I must make sure that all of my other Horcruxes are safe." With Nagini still wrapped around his neck, he flares his cloak out from behind him and "flies" up the center aisle, otherwise known as holding the edges of his cape and running on tiptoe.

Meanwhile, Bellatrix enters on stage near the Hogwarts castle. Other Death Eaters enter in a stream, as well. Bellatrix and Lucius work on lining them up and organizing them while the spotlight and attention return to Lord Voldemort, who has reentered from the back of the theatre.

He "flies" up the aisle toward the stage, this time with one arm of his cloak covering his face _Dracula_ style, stopping three times to check under the seats of three different audience members.

He straightens up each time with a cry of frustration. When Dark Lord Voldemort reaches the stage, he throws his hands up in despair and bellows angrily, "They're gone! My Horcruxes are gone!" He flips his cloak out behind him again to "fly" up the stage steps, this time like _Superman_.

All of the Death Eaters are lined up in rows by the time Voldemort reaches the center of the stage. They are bunched to the left of the stage among the trees, allowing the audience a full view of the Hogwarts castle to the right. Dark Lord Voldemort joins his Death Eaters, standing slightly in front of them as they all face the castle. He points his wand to his throat and mutters, "_Sonorus_."

In a booming, magnified voice, Voldemort announces: "I know that you are preparing to fight. Your efforts are futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to kill you. I do not want to spill magical blood. Give me Harry Potter, and I will spare your lives. Continue to resist, and my Death Eaters and I will defeat you. This is your last chance. Surrender Harry Potter."

A window opens in one of Hogwarts towers, and a rude voice calls out: "You suck!" Many of the Death Eaters gasp, and murmuring breaks out.

Voldemort remains calm, though his eye twitches slightly.

"If that's the way you want it, then let the battle begin!"

Strobe lights flash on the stage repeatedly, so that only glimpses of the action are visible. A large disco ball is lowered, showering sparkles on everything. Multicolored lights flash back and forth as everyone dashes on and off the stage. The Death Eaters are now mingled with New Hogwarts Peeps, exchanging beams of light from their wands. A few of the combatants are affixed to wires that allow them to be thrown backwards as they are hit by curses. For those brave enough to engage in hand-to-hand combat, like Fenrir Greyback, people are lifted in a style similar to _Dirty Dancing _and are spun, thrown, and tumble across the stage. Basically random chaos.

Voldemort dashes off the stage and down the steps in the mayhem. Many others exit the stage, too, though their voices can still be heard as they all begin to sing:

**Battle at Hogwarts**

(To the tune of "Disco Inferno" by The Trammps)

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort, the Golden Trio, New Hogwarts Peeps & the Death Eater Chorus_

All: _Battle at Hogwarts  
Battle at Hogwarts  
Battle at Hogwarts  
Battle at Hogwarts  
Battle!_

Harry Potter, Professors McGonagall, Sprout, and Flitwick rush to the center of the stage, Sprout carrying a pot with a spidery-looking plant in it. They are followed by Yaxley, George Weasley, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Ginny Weasley, and Arthur Weasley. Everyone is sending beams of light everywhere. Random masked Death Eaters and New Hogwarts Peeps keep flitting across the stage, in the midst of their own battles.

Harry Potter: _Expelliarmus_!  
Professor McGonagall: _It's_ _time to protect the school_  
Professor Sprout: _Venomous_ _Tentacula_  
Professor Flitwick: _Protego_ _Horribilus_ _I say_

Yaxley: _Wizards_ _screaming_  
George Weasley: _Confundo_!  
Kingsley Shacklebolt: _Petrificus_ _Totalus_!  
Ginny Weasley: _When the Bogeys start to explode_

Arthur Weasley: _Let everybody join—_

Lucius enters, not even fighting. He is looking in every direction as everyone begins to sing the chorus.

All: _The Battle at Hogwarts_!  
Lucius: _Oh what a battle_!  
All: _Battle at Hogwarts_  
Lucius: _Gotta find my son_  
All: _Battle at Hogwarts_  
Lucius: _Oh what a battle_!  
All: _Battle at Hogwarts_  
Lucius: _Where is that boy…_  
All: _BATTLE_!

A new group enters the stage. Dolohov is dueling with Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks with Bellatrix. Fred and Percy Weasley are also exchanging beams of light with Rookwood and Travers. Hagrid makes his way across the stage by riding on a giant spider.

Dolohov: _Cru-u-u-u-u-cio_!  
Remus Lupin: _Locomotor_ _Mortis_!  
Nymphadora Tonks: _Have you seen Remus_?  
Bellatrix Lestrange: _Gotta prune my family tree_

Fred Weasley: _Bro made a joke_  
Percy Weasley: _Family reunion_  
Augustus Rookwood: _Imperio! Incendio! Yeah!_  
Travers: _Let's fight until the battle's won_

Hagrid_: Follow the spiders to—_

Neville enters, throwing potted plants and huge grapefruit-sized seeds at every Death Eater.

All: _The_ _Battle at Hogwarts!_  
Neville: _Oh what a battle!_  
All: _Battle at Hogwarts_  
Neville: _Snargaluff Pods_  
All: _Battle at Hogwarts_  
Neville: _Oh what a battle!_  
All: _Battle at Hogwarts_  
Neville: _Herbology kills_  
All: _BATTLE!_

Ron, Hermione, Aberforth, and Draco enter. They aren't even fighting, just dancing in a conga line across the mayhem of the stage.

Ron, Hermione, & Draco: _In the corridor there are hexes everywhere_  
Aberforth (_echo_): _Hexes everywhere_!  
Ron, Hermione, & Draco: _There's so much dusty rubble in the air_

Another new group enters as the previous one exits: Parvati, Peeves, and Sybil Trelawney are fighting Fenrir Greyback. Peeves is cackling madly. Also, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnegan, Luna Lovegood, and Ernie MacMillan are sending silvery Patronuses across the stage. Snape stands to one end, nearly among the trees.

Parvati Patil: _Impedimenta!_  
Peeves: _Mayhem is my forte_ (cackle)  
Fenrir Greyback: _Oh, the smell of blood!_  
Sybil Trelawney: _I have orbs for all who need them_

Dean Thomas: _Stupefy_!  
Seamus Finnigan: _Expecto Patronum_!  
Luna Lovegood: _Think of happy memories_  
Ernie Macmillan: _We are all here to carry on_

Severus Snape: _Their resistance crumbles_—

A spotlight shines in the audience, showing Lord Voldemort seated at the end of the first row. He's not even in the battle! He's just sitting there with Nagini around his neck and a bowl of popcorn in his lap as the chorus is sung.

All: _The Battle at Hogwarts_!  
Voldie: _I'm not in the battle!_  
All: _Battle at Hogwarts_  
Voldie: _In the Shrieking Shack_  
All: _Battle at Hogwarts_  
Voldie: _Leave it to others!_  
All: _Battle at Hogwarts_  
Voldie: _Just_ _me and my snake_  
All: _BATTLE_!

The sounds of the music fade. The warriors onstage do not make any sounds, though they are still exchanging beams of light with one another. Voldemort rises from his seat in the front row, depositing the popcorn on the floor. Mysterious music plays in the background as he slowly makes his way up the stairs to the stage. The sounds of the battle can be faintly heard in the background as he takes a seat in a ratty old armchair. The chair is clearly separated from the mimed battle scene. Dark Lord Voldemort removes Nagini from around his neck and, with one wave of his wand, encases her in a spherical glass cage. In deep thought, he strokes the outside of the glass as he stares thoughtfully towards the balcony.

**Riddle-De-Dee (Reprise)**

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort_

Voldie: _Riddle-de-dee-da, Riddle-de-day_

_How did my life end up this way?_

_Ultimate evil; what can I say?_

_Riddle-de-dee-da, Riddle-de-day_

_Nagini in her bubble_

_Their fighting is futile_

_I have almost won the battle_

_Riddle-de-de-da, Riddle-de-day_

_I'm glad my life turned out this way_

_All of the power, dominant sway_

_Riddle-de-dee-da, Riddle-de-day_

The music ends. Lord Voldemort toys with the Elder wand between his fingers.

"I need Snape," he muses. "I cannot be the true master of the Wand of Destiny unless I defeat the previous master…" In one determined move, Voldemort stands to his feet and faces the battle. He finds Snape in the midst of the mayhem, beckons to him, and the two exit the stage. Meanwhile, the duels continue. Flashes of light shoot across the stage from Hogwarts warriors and Death Eaters alike. Suddenly, a scream is heard from offstage, and the battle pauses momentarily. Before it can resume, Voldemort's voice booms through the theater.

"You have fought valiantly. Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery. Yet many have died, and more will die if you continue to resist me. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste. Lord Voldemort is merciful. I command my forces to retreat immediately. You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your injured." The New Hogwarts Peeps and the Golden Trio huddle together to the right. The Death Eaters dart among the trees on the opposite side as the magnified voice continues.

"I speak now, Harry Potter, directly to you. You have permitted your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the Forbidden Forest. If, at the end of that hour, you have not given yourself up, then the battle will continue. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Harry Potter, and I shall find you, and woe to anyone who stands in my way."


	12. The Final Battle

Act II, Scene 6: The Final Battle

There is silence as the lights come back up. The scene has changed to a forest clearing, where Lord Voldemort stands in the center with his hands crossed. Around him in a semi-circle are the Death Eaters: all hooded, none showing their faces. Tied to a tree on the left side of the stage is Hagrid, and as two Death Eaters enter past him their "whispered" conversation can clearly be heard.

"I don't think he's coming," one of them mutters.

"Why do you say that?" the other asks.

"He'd be here already if he were going to show up."

"Well, I think he'll come. There's no way he wouldn't."

"Why do you think that?" the first Death Eater asks.

"Because _I_… am Harry Potter." With that dramatic declaration, the second Death Eater rips off his mask and robes, revealing that he is, indeed, Harry Potter. The first Death Eater, along with all the others, gasps in surprise, but Voldemort is unphased. Hagrid struggles against his bindings, but Voldemort is too quick and pulls out the Elder Wand. He gives one last triumphant smile before pointing it at Potter and shouting, "_Avada Kedavra!_"

Both Voldemort and Harry drop to the ground, motionless. There is a stunned pause in the circle before one lone Death Eater cautiously approaches the Dark Lord.

"My Lord?" Bellatrix's barely audible whisper cuts through the silence. "My Lord, are you… alright?" She tries to find the pulse in his wrist but can't feel it, so she slowly reaches for the pulse in his neck. When her fingers are about two inches away, Voldemort suddenly springs up from the ground, eliciting a screeching yell from Bellatrix and all the others.

"Of course! I have never been better! But just to be sure," Voldemort slowly turns on his heel to a Death Eater hovering near the edge of the stage. "Narcissa, check to see if the boy lives." Narcissa steps forward hesitantly, then rushes to Potter's side. She bends to inspect him, and as she does so all of the gathered Death Eaters visibly lean in expectantly. As she straightens, she announces in a loud, clear, proud voice: "He's dead."

There is a stunned pause, in which this information is processed, before there is a joyous cheer from all. The Dark Lord takes a few calming breaths, trying to keep his excitement in tow, before he screeches, "Enough!" All immediately fall silent.

"It is now time for our victory march – everyone in line! The giant shall carry the sack of potatoes." Everyone stares around at each other in confusion. One Death Eater is looking for a sack of potatoes under a log. Voldemort rolls his eyes as he sighs. "The_ boy_."

"Oh!" everyone choruses as they fall into step. Hagrid's ties are unbound and he sobs as he lifts Harry. Voldemort heads this strange parade, using his wand as a baton as he leads the way down the stage and up and down the aisle. As Voldemort sings, his voice is magically magnified to address the residents of Hogwarts.

**Victory**

(To the tune of "I Can See Clearly Now the Rain Has Gone" by Johnny Nash)

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort with echoes by the Death Eater Chorus_

Voldie: _Victory is mine now that Harry's dead_

_No one alive is left to bar my way_

_The wizarding world is fin'lly mine to rule_

_Victory is mine_

_(Mine)_

_Mine_

_(Mine)_

_All mine today_

_You will surrender to me now, Hogwarts_

_Since the Boy Who Lived now lives no more_

_Cease your fighting and bow down to me_

_Victory is mine_

_(Mine)_

_Mine_

_(Mine)_

_All mine today_

By now Voldemort and his parade have reached the back of the theatre. As they continue the song the set onstage changes back to Hogwarts, complete with sobbing New Hogwarts Peeps and terrified students alike.

_Look, on the ground – your hero has fallen_

_Look all around, your army has fallen_

_If you will join my cause I'll spare your life_

_If you refuse your whole family will pay_

_Together we'll start to build a brand new world_

_Victory is mine_

_(Mine)_

_Mine_

_(Mine)_

_All mine today_

All of the Death Eaters file onstage, mixed in with the New Hogwarts peeps. Voldemort gives an insane madman laugh as he yells, "Yes, victory is mine! All mine! No one is left to stand in my way!"

"You wanna bet!" Neville, of all people, screams. Very quickly, Neville pulls the sword of Gryffindor from a random stone and uses it to lob off Nagini's head as she hangs off Voldemort's shoulders. There is another pause as Voldemort stares at the severed head in horror and Harry jumps down from Hagrid's arms.

"Jolly good work, Neville," Harry plainly states. There are cries of triumph from the New Hogwarts Peeps and sounds of outrage from the Death Eaters. The stage lights flicker madly as some smoke pours onstage, and one by one the Death Eaters start to fall and flee. As the chaos calms down, Voldemort and Bellatrix are the only two left standing in the middle of a bunch of pissed-off hero-worshipping wizards.

Panicking, Bellatrix throws a hex at the closest person, who happens to be Ginny Weasley. From the side there is an indignant cry of "Oh no you _did not_!" as Molly Weasley steps forward. Bellatrix takes a few steps back, looking to Voldemort for help.

"Master… an angry mother…" she whispers in terror.

Voldemort takes a step away from Bellatrix, motioning towards Molly. "She's all yours. Laters!"

A blinding light issues from the tip of Molly's wand, and when the light dims Bellatrix is lying on the ground, motionless. It is now Voldemort standing centre stage, surrounded by a crowd of Muggle-loving, Mudblood-sympathizing simpletons. He looks around, concealing his panic. Opposite him stands Harry, his face in an expression of the utmost arrogance. "Just me and you now, Tommy. Just you and me."

**The Flaw in the Plan**

(To the tune of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper)

_Sung by the Dark Lord Voldemort & Harry Potter_

Voldie: _There he stands though he once was dead_

_I thought he was gone—that's what Narcissa had said_

_He perished in the forest; we all thought it was true_

_I am so confused_

_Oh, I am so confused_

As Voldemort sings, snippets of Harry's speech can be heard through the music: "…Snape…double-agent...Dumbledore…planned it all…Horcrux…was killed in the forest…"

_He tries to tell me that Severus lied_

_It was all a show—he was really on their side_

_I will not believe and I'm not amused_

_I am so confused_

_Oh, I am so confu—_

_What's that he's saying?_

_Confu-u-u-u-sed_

"Elder wand….master was the Malfoy boy…disarmed and took it from him…have remorse…"

Harry: _I'm the Master of the Wand_

_And now your time is done_

_Oh, now your time is done_

Voldie: _I am so_

_So confused_

_I just_

_Just don't know_

Until this point in the song the Dark Lord has been looking at Potter with an expression of utmost confusion as he sang, but no longer will he allow this unexpected setback rob him of his cool.

_I don't know how my plan went so wrong_

_But for this moment I have waited so long_

_So now everything you soon shall lose_

_Oh, I know what I must do_

_And I refuse to lose_

As the song concludes there is a moment of silence as there is an intense stare down. Suddenly, both shout their respective spells.

"_Expelliarmus!_"

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

It is clear that the green and red beams of light connect, but almost instantly the green light rebounds and hits Voldemort square in the chest. His wand goes flying into the audience and he is lifted high above the stage into the air. For the brief moment he is suspended in the air a bright white and gold light shines down upon him as the first few notes of the Hallelujah chorus reverberate throughout the theatre. There is an expression of total peace and awe on the Dark Lord's face, coupled with extreme shock. This lasts until the music stops, the lights cut off, and he drops the ten feet back to the stage with a sickening thud.

All the gathered cast stare the body of the Dark Lord for a brief moment before cheers envelope the theatre and confetti showers down upon the stage and audience. Through all this ruckus the remaining Death Eaters slowly filter back onstage, coming to the front of the stage as the cheering fades into the background. A somber melody begins as they all hang their heads and start to sing.

**Finale**

(To the tune of "American Pie" by Don McLean)

_Sung by the Golden Trio, the Death Eater Chorus & the New Hogwarts Peeps_

Death Eater Chorus: _Oh no, we are screwed_

_Our Master has bit the dust_

_Been deafeted by that Potter boy_

_But one final curse he hurled_

_Then left forever from this world_

_And now this new regime we won't enjoy_

'_Cause now we'll go to Azkaban_

_Our lives have not turned out as planned_

_As for Master Voldie_

_Well, he will get quite moldy_

_His plan has failed, though we are here_

_Now we cry while they all cheer_

_We all thought he could not be beat_

_We know that we were wrong…_

All: _Die, die, Voldemort's last goodbye_

_He's been bested, he invested in a plan that's awry_

_One of the great Dark wizards of our lifetime_

_Not to remember his tale is a crime_

_Not to remember his tale is a crime_

The tempo picks up as the Death Eaters fall to the back of the stage. The New Hogwarts peeps come to the front, leaping and snapping their fingers as they sing, twirl, and dance to the tune. Voldemort's body is still lying on the floor, but everyone seems to simply avoid the body and dance around it as opposed to having to actually touch it.

The Death Eaters are still sulking, but one by one they join the dance pretending to be excited. They alternate between snapping and sobbing uncontrollably.

Hogwarts Peeps: _When Harry shouted his last spell_

_He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named finally fell_

_We never dreamed that this day would come_

_So we lifted our hero on our shoulders high_

_And left You-Know-Who on the floor to lie_

_At long last the new dawn has come_

_Trio: The Snitch is caught, the match is won_

_At last our grueling quest is done_

_The threat's no longer real, Voldemort's fate's now sealed_

_But though Voldemort's gone the fear remains_

_Still they refuse to say his name_

_And that is fine, but we proclaim_

_Don't let fear rule your life_

_We all are singing—_

All: _Die, die, Voldemort's last goodbye_

_He's been bested, he invested in a plan that's awry_

_One of the great Dark wizards of our lifetime_

_Not to remember his tale is a crime_

_Not to remember his tale is a crime_

The tempo slows down once more as all the gathered cast stand with their arms around each other's shoulders, swaying to the music. The Death Eaters are mixed in with the New Hogwarts Peeps, their hoods down as they honestly sing the last verse. Meanwhile, the body of the once great Dark Lord is still visible just in front of the singing wizards.

_Die, die, Voldemort's last goodbye_

_He's been bested, he invested in a plan that's awry_

_One of the great Dark wizards of our lifetime_

_Not to remember his tale is a crime_

_Not to remember his tale is a crime_

All present cast members onstage are standing in a semicircle. The Death Eaters all hang their heads and sigh but everyone else gives a fading cheer as the lights dim for the last time.

Blackout.

The lights come back up, but the stage is empty. Characters run on to take their respective bows during the curtain call. Of course, the Dark Lord is the last to bow. As Voldemort steps forward, several Death Eaters hold signs that read "STANDING OVATION… or ELSE" as the remaining Death Eaters brandish their wands threateningly towards the audience. The entire cast takes one final bow, and as the curtains fall Voldemort can be seen blowing kisses and waving to the audience.

END ACT


End file.
